


The Distance Between Us

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Obsessive Behavior, Revenge, Same-Sex Marriage, Sexual Content, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-02-24 22:14:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2598374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren and Levi have the typical, lovey-dovey relationship with all it's faults and imperfections. They strive for the best they can be together and vow to stay by each others side, until death do they part. But what happens when Levi finds that his actions only lead him astray and hurt the people he loves the most. Eren and Levi fight for each other in this twisted tale of lovers who only have each other when all is said and done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eren: On that Fateful Day

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic I have created myself. I will try to keep notes short and the chapters long. I don't see this becoming any longer than 10 chapters, but maybe I'll get ahead of myself. I hope that anyone who reads this enjoys this screwed up story between Levi and Eren. I know my portrayal of them isn't how it would be in canon. But it's my interpretation, so please don't yell at me for it. Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The full backstory of Eren and Levi's life as Eren knows it to be.

It’s always difficult for me to watch him get on that plane. My husband is an American ambassador for France and Japan, which often requires him to spend time in either country for long periods of time. I can’t stand being in our large home alone. No matter how much our cat, Jessi, tries to comfort me, a month without Levi is unbearable. Mikasa and Armin usually try to get me out of the house as much as possible, but it really sucks when you have political paparazzi tailing you most of the time. What would I have to give them? I’m not involved in Levi’s work. He usually tries to keep me out of it as much as possible so that we can spend our time with each other, and not with his work.

As much as I hate to say it, I’m quite dependent on my husband. He earns more than decent pay and often spoils me. I don’t ask for much though; I only want him after all. Levi refuses to let me spend a dime of my own money that I had both earned and inherited.

My dad was a top of the line doctor, and mom was a well-known florist. They earned more than enough between hospital work and research and the thousands of wedding arrangements each year. But one day they went for a picnic at their favorite spot for the two of them to spend more quality time with each other. I was attending University of Shiganshina at the time when I received the call from Mikasa. A tractor trailer driver who had been driving throughout the night fell asleep at the wheel and swerved into opposing traffic. My parents died immediately. In the will it stated that Mikasa and I inherited over a million dollars each. Apparently they had a joint account to be split between us when we turned twenty-five. The money didn’t mean anything to me though. The thought that they weren’t here anymore was devastating. A twenty year old shouldn’t have to lose a parent, let alone both. I told Mikasa to continue with college in Trost University, where she had a full ride for women’s soccer. There was no way I was letting her miss out on that. However, I couldn’t afford the tuition at University of Shiganshina and I never re-applied after finishing the year that had already been paid.

Over the next five years I worked a series of odd jobs until I finally settled for working as a waiter in a small restaurant, simply named Annie’s. Annie’s offered all kind of light foods that could easily be taken to go. The owner, Annie herself, was a distant, calculating force to be reckoned with and had even taken on a bear of a man for disrupting the peace of her small restaurant. I knew not to get on her bad side, but I had appealed to her enough it seems that she only checked in on me every once in a while. I was a server there even after my inheritance was placed in my bank account. I had almost forgotten it. The other servers included Ymir, Krista, Jean and Marco. The chefs were Sasha and Connie, and while they were crazy, they knew what they were doing in the kitchen. The floor managers, Reiner and Berthold, held a power of their own to consider. They helped Annie start the restaurant and had stuck around since. It was a friendly atmosphere where employees and customers alike felt safe.

After a year of working at Annie’s, and only tapping into my inheritance every couple of months for stray bills, I had moved myself into a nicer apartment, and I was feeling great about everything in life. It was all working out and it only got better. A beautiful day in May swept in a new customer to Annie’s. He was short and brooding, in a sharp suit. He was clearly tired of it though since his tie was loosened and the top two buttons of his shirt were undone. His silky, undercut, raven hair fell into his face slightly, until he ran his hand through it, forcing the hair back. A few strands refused to listen but it didn’t seem to bother him. He radiated a command for attention, and I was more than willing to obey.  
Ymir guided the man to a table in my section in her usual off-putting manner. The man seemed indifferent to her cold treatment; thin eyebrows remained furrowed just as they had before being seated. I pulled out my black booklet and made my way to his table.

“Good afternoon! Welcome to Annie’s! My name is Eren, and I’ll be your server today. Can I get you started with something to drink?” I smiled and waited, pen poised to write down his order.

The fair-skinned man raised his eyes to meet mine. His face remained stoic but his eyes, beautifully steel grey in color, danced with a hint of mischief. “I’ll take black tea, with some cream and little bit of you on the side. Oh, I meant sugar. My bad.” My face flushed and I pressed the booklet to my face to hide it. But the noise that escaped his teeth had me look back in his direction. “I like to see their reaction; not a face full of tiny black booklets, you brat.”

I lowered the booklet and wrote down the order and whispered my apologies for ruining his effect, before running to the bar to make the tea, fresh from the leaves. After the tea was ready I returned with a tray holding the tea pot, cup and saucer, cup of cream and a sugar pot. I placed it all down gently before the man and tucked the try under my arm. Just as I turned to return the tray to its rightful place, a thin-fingered but strong hand grabbed my wrist. “Look, kid. I think you’re cute and I’d like to enjoy this tea with you if that’s okay.”

“I’m sorry, sir, but I’m working right now, and I don’t even kno-”

“It’s Levi,” he interrupted, knowing exactly what I was about to ask.

“Well, Levi…” I tested. “Thank you for the offer, but I’m still working until six.”

“Perfect. I’ll pick you up from here at six then.”

My jaw dropped and I became a sputtering mess. “I- wh- you- I- it- what?”

Levi smirked and pulled my arm, making me stumble and fall into him. My face was pressed against his chest and I could feel my whole body burn, excited.

“Eren! What are you doing?!” Reiner yelled at me from behind the bar. I scrambled to my feet put the tug on my arm was a little stronger, making me slouch towards it.

“I- he- no, I- I wa-”

“It’s not his fault,” the man calmly stated, straight and to the point.

“Sir, what happened, exactly for one of our employees to be in your lap?”

“I pulled him there.”

I could tell Reiner was getting frustrated by the simple answers he was receiving. “Sir, I’m going to ask again why he was in your lap.”

“Like I said, before: I pulled him there. Do I really need to answer something so simple?”

With clenched teeth Reiner asked, “Why did you pull him there then?”

“I like him.”

“I cannot have you fraternize with our employee’s during their shifts. If you have such a desire to get close to Eren, then you must do so outside of his working hours.”

“I intend to. Now leave, you’re making me let my tea get cold.”

Reiner clenched his fists and gave me a warning glare to which I responded to by looking at the floor. The hand on my arm let go and went to my face instead.

“Oh cheer up, Bright Eyes. I’ll be taking you to dinner in-” he paused to check his watch. “In three and a half hours.” The pure shock of being told I’m going on a date rather than asked made me freeze in place before I could even process the information. “Get to work kid; I’m trying not to get you fired now.”

With that I snapped out of the trance. “Levi, may I ask what your last name is?”

“Why does a brat need to know that?”

“Well this brat is going on a date with you tonight, meaning I’ll be talking to you and asking you questions. I might as well know your last name now.”

“Ackerman.”

“Hmm.”

“What do you mean hmm?” he asked irritably.

“Nothing, just my sister’s name is Mikasa Ackerman.”

“Yeah well there are a lot of people in the world, shared names are common.” He muttered what I think was “dumbass” but I’m not sure, nor do I care. He told me his last name at least.

“Jaeger.”

“Excuse me?”

“Jaeger, that’s my last name.”

“Hmm.”

I didn’t have a response to that so I did as he ordered and got back to work. Every hour I made more tea for Levi while he waited. He watched me run around and work. He watched me wave at Jean and Krista when they walked in to start their shift at four-thirty. And he watched me save a tray of food when a little kid ran in front of me. Thank god I actually saved this one though. Levi waited until six for me to get off work. He paid for his three pots of tea and I excused myself to retrieve my things from the lockers in the back of the restaurant. I bid adieu to Sasha, Connie, Jean, Krista and Berthold who still had the rest of the night. The others had all gone home.

I went through the front to leave today since Levi was waiting for me. He was leaning against the side of the building smoking a cigarette. It seemed very natural for him, and there was no mistaking that he seemed relieved to have gotten the smoke break. “You know you didn’t have to sit in there the whole time, you could have left and came back.”  
“Would you have actually waited for me though if I did that?”

“Touché…”

He made a small sound of agreement and then grabbed my wrist. Standing directly next to him made me see that he was a few inches shorter than me, but even so, he mustered enough confidence and strength to overpower Reiner, but I didn’t think he could get past Annie. I let Levi drag me down the sidewalk to a small, simple black car. It was just like him it seemed. Small, dark, but had enough room for you to be content. And I was definitely content. He clearly had money, to judge his Armani suit off of, but didn’t flaunt it all the way. He chose a simple elegance. And that really intrigued me.

The date was simple too. He took me to a restaurant in the upper end of Shiganshina. We talked, or rather I talked and Levi interrupted with short philosophies that made me talk more about anything and everything. He wasn’t entirely short on words though once we left the restaurant. He offered me a ride home but didn’t try to press on coming up with me. I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie with me. He hesitated a little. I guess he didn’t expect me to be having as much fun as I was. After his hesitation he simply nodded and parked his car in my space since I didn’t have a car myself.

We climbed to the fourth floor while Levi muttered about dirt and the broken elevator. When we finally reached my floor and walked to 416 and I unlocked the door. I kicked off my shoes and silently thanked myself for cleaning the apartment last night.

“You can put your jacket in the closet if you want. There should definitely be room. And if you want you can borrow a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt. I don’t mind if you want to get comfortable.”

He nodded again and took his jacket off, putting it in the closet before he stood awkwardly in the living room. I shrugged and chuckled while I fetched him a smaller pair of sweats and an old t-shirt of mine, neither of which fit me anymore but I kept anyway, just because. I changed myself into my usual green flannel pajama pants and a grey band tee.

Levi was inspecting my CD collection when I returned. He rose slowly as he acknowledged me. I handed him the folded clothes and told him which door was the bathroom. I browsed my movies and picked something I thought he might like. It was an action film, but it wasn’t so over the top that it was ridiculous. He didn’t seem like a man for exaggerations. I put the movie on and waited for Levi to return.

Levi sat himself down on the other end of the couch and crossed his slender legs. I caught myself staring. He was hot in anything he wore. I couldn’t help but feel honored that he allowed himself to wear the clothes of a man he just met. I hit play on the remote and we watched the movie together. Levi seemed to get into it and even moved himself closer to me so he was directly in front of the television. He leaned forward, almost hanging precariously over the couch. I smiled and watched him more than the movie. I could watch this movie any time I wanted, but I had inadvertently treated myself to the best show I could find. I didn’t want the movie to end, because I didn’t want him to leave. His body relaxed even though it was tight with suspense from the movie. His eye brows seemed to rise with the excitement. He no longer looked bored and disinterested. I decided that I wanted to watch movies with him more.

Soon though the movie did end, and with a yawn I turned it off. The blue screen on the television told me that there was no input and I just waved it off. “I want to watch another movie,” Levi said.

I smiled and nodded. “Okay, what do you want to watch?”

“Anything. I don’t get much free time, and when I do, I don’t know what to do with myself, so let’s watch another movie.”

I nod again and put in a romantic comedy. I wondered if Levi would object, and much to my surprise he didn’t.

Watching him as he watched the movie, once again, I started drifting off into sleep. Soon enough, I couldn’t shake it off and I fell asleep.

The next day I woke up feeling a weight on my chest and warmth surrounding me. I yawned and stretched and looked down seeing Levi wrapped around me carefully and a blanket around the both of us on the couch. I ran my fingers through his hair and blushed at our position. He was so cute. His whole body was relaxed. Tight muscles that might as well be Jell-O right now were looped my waist. I felt so warm, and so safe. I loved the feeling so much. He made me feel warm and full. My satisfaction made hold him tight, making him stir and wake up, too.

“Good morning, Levi.”

His eyes shot open and he pushed himself up, quickly assessing the situation. Pink dusted Levi’s cheeks and he looked down. “I’m sorry. I should go, I overstayed my welcome.” He tried to peel away from me but I wouldn’t let him. I pulled him right back to my chest and held him tight.

“Levi, you’re welcome to stay here for as long as you like, but if you really feel you must go then I guess I couldn’t really stop you, but I’d try.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? I thought you liked me…I now I like you too. A lot. A lot-a lot. Like a thousand times a lot. I want you to stay.”

Levi seemed to ponder this but eventually gave in to the embrace and let me hug him. He curled himself into me so we were closer. I smiled into his hair. Levi smelled like soap and a hint of smoke. “Hey, Levi?”

“What is it, brat?”

“What do you do for a living? You’ve seen what I do for a living and it made me wonder what you do that you clearly have enough money for that expensive suit of yours.”

“It doesn’t really matter what I do for work. I just found someone who I want welcoming me home every day.”

His response sent a shiver of joy up my spine. “Then what does this make us?”

“Would you like to be my boyfriend, Eren?”

“Of course, Levi,” I said gently.

It seemed fast, but it was worth it. Every day after that, he came in at two-thirty and ordered tea. But from then on, he did leave and came back at six to take me to dinner or to take me to his expensive flat in the upper end, and we’d cook dinner together. Some nights we went to my apartment and watched movies until we fell asleep and some nights we went to his flat in a rush of flying clothes. The first time we had done that was a few months after getting together. He seemed to be anxious that day when I gave him his pot of tea, and he gave me a look of longing that I didn’t understand until he picked me up that night and attacked my neck. His kissed me all over and took care of me in every way. The next day he didn’t show up for tea. He didn’t show up the day after or the day after that. I had been a mess of tears and snot that my friends and coworkers had to try to comfort. All I could think was that he left me. He used me. He waited four months for sex, got it and left. He played me! How dare he do that to me! Mikasa had gotten a call from Jean telling her the situation and she threatened to “find the midget and take everything away from him.” I would have laughed if it weren’t for the pain of heart break. I had spent four months falling in love with Levi, and he just left like nothing happened. I didn’t get a text, or a call, or a goodbye. He just left. After two weeks he returned.

Mikasa visited me to cheer me up and was sitting with me at the restaurant while I was on break. I hung my head in my arms and wiped away tears uselessly. I knew new ones would just replace them. Mikasa played with my hair gently while I cried softly. I was very lucky that today was incredibly slow and no one was in the dining area. But suddenly the door chimed and any chatter that was going on between the staff suddenly stopped and the air grew tense. I didn’t know what was going on, so I looked up at Mikasa. Judging from the look on her face, someone was about to be murdered. I turned around to look at who was standing in the door. My tears turned from ones of sorrow to tears of rage in no time flat. Mikasa stood up to confront him, but I beat her to it.

I ran to him and tackled him to the ground, which was surprisingly easy in a fit of rage. I straddled him and grabbed him by the collar with both fists and lifted his body and slammed him down a few times screaming obscenities at him. He struggled under me and eventually rolled me over so he was on top where I punched him in the face. He hissed and slumped to the side holding his nose. I rolled over again getting ready to punch again when a few pairs of arms pulled me off. I kicked and screamed. I was livid. “I’m not finished with the bastard! He left me like it was nothing! Like I was nothing!” A sob caught in my throat and my body let go in the arms of the two people still holding me. My head fell and I cried and wailed in misery, feeling more than used and worthless. I finally had romantic happiness and it was all a lie. He lied to me. He never liked me, he just wanted sex, and he got it, and he left. “He never liked me, he just used me. I was nothing to him. I’m so pathetic for falling in love with him…” The arms holding mine up let me down gently, but wrapped around me instead, rocking me slowly. I cried against Jean’s shoulder while Mikasa traced patterns into my back.

A choked voice broke through the moment, “I-Is that what you think I did, Eren? You thought I a-abandoned you?” A second sob broke out at the other end of the room. It was silent at first but it quickly escalated and Mikasa stood up, letting me lean against Jean.

“What? Did you think just leaving without a word wouldn’t cause him to think this? Are you fucking stupid, Levi?”

“Yes, I am. I didn’t think. I didn’t think. I’m so fucking stupid!” I looked up over Jean’s shoulder through tear blurred eyes to see Levi squatting into a ball with a red-stained rag to his nose. “He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me…I abused him through neglect. I’m despicable. I’m filth for doing such a thing to the man I love.”

Mikasa kicked him across the face, but Levi didn’t fight. “That’s for what my brother wanted to do to you before he got pulled off, you piece of shit.”

I let out an anguished cry and shook myself out of Jean’s loose embrace. I crawled over to Levi and ran my fingers over his cheek. My tears continued to flow and my lip continued to quiver. I lowered my head to his and touched our foreheads together. We sobbed and held each other by the back of our heads.

I don’t know how long we were like that before we kissed with a broken passion. Anything that needed to be said was said through that kiss. My pain, my loneliness, his regret, his forgiveness for the beating. Our love. All of it was held in one kiss.

We pulled away and I let him sit up and we hugged each other tight. “Ere-”

“No. I want to know why. I won’t accept anything else. Why did you leave me, Levi?”

“I’m an ambassador for France and Japan. I get called out to either of those countries once in a while and I have no room to argue. I didn’t think my short absence would do this. I knew I wouldn’t be too long. I never had to tell anyone before and I wanted you so badly before I left. I’m so sorry, Eren! I didn’t want to hurt you! I love you!”

“I love you too, Levi,” I whispered. “Don’t leave without telling me. Please.”

He nodded furiously and held me tight. “I promise. I won’t leave without telling you.”

Someone cleared their throat and made us look up. Reiner and Berthold were standing there with their arms crossed. It was Berthold who spoke up, gently. “Eren, take the rest of the day off, get this fixed, because I don’t want our restaurant destroyed. Annie would kill you.”

I nodded and took off my apron and picked myself up off the floor to the back lockers to gather my belongings. I hugged Jean unexpectedly, “Thanks, Jean.”

“Yeah, whatever, Jaeger. Just don’t get yourself hurt okay?”

“I’ll try not to…” I ran into my sisters arms and held her tight. “Thank you, Mikasa. You’re the best sister I could have.”

I felt a hand tap Mikasa’s shoulder due to proximity and the sudden tensing of her body. I let her go so she could turn to Levi, who looked up at her earnestly. “Good kick. Thank you.”

“Why are you thanking me, pipsqueak? If it weren’t for Eren, you wouldn’t have been able to thank me.”

“I know that. And that’s why I’m thanking you. I didn’t ever want to hurt him, I still don’t. I deserved his sister’s coming to murder me. And it was a good kick, too.”

I reached for Levi’s hand and pulled him close to me, hugging him and kissing his forehead. “Let’s go to your place and talk this out, okay?”

“Yeah…”

With that we left Annie’s and fixed our relationship. Every once in a while we got in arguments, but never did anything become physical. He never touched me in a violent way even though I punched him, and Mikasa kicked him. He never retaliated for it and instead comforted me when I was mad. He knew how to calm me down and did it every time. Sometimes we would have make-up sex and sometimes we just watched a movie together. Every time he left for a business trip he warned me the moment he found out about the trip.

We would make video calls every morning and night, regardless of the time changes. Levi would smile for me every once in a while before he said goodnight and would blow a kiss, which I would always catch and blush into. He would chuckle then and whisper ‘Goodnight and I love you’ again, before he hung up.

After a year and two months of dating, Levi had a week off and had booked us a beautiful getaway in the Florida Keys where we rented a beach house for all of our time there. I had taken my vacation days at work for the trip. The weather was sunny, but cool, thanks to the ocean breeze. I always loved the ocean and I couldn’t believe that we got to enjoy a whole week here. The first two nights went as I expected them for us being alone together in such a place. On the third night however, Levi said he wanted to take a walk with me. I obliged him and we walked and talked until the sunset, where we found a white picnic table to sit at. I sat down, with Levi leaning into me a little. I rested my cheek on the top of his head and sniffed his hair, enjoying the smell of soap, smoke and now the salty air. We watched the sun set and we kissed slowly and softly. When the moon took the sun’s place in the sky, Levi stood up slowly. But when I tried to stand up too, he sat me back down. At first confusion crossed my mind but the moment Levi reached into his pocket and got on one knee, I knew what was happening.

I was in tears quickly as Levi took my hands in his and gently placed an opened navy blue box into my hands and whispered sweetly. “Eren Jaeger, I have loved you since I met you and I know at first I was a little aggressive and definitely stupid. But I learned a lot from my love for you and I can only hope to learn more. I remember you telling me that I was welcome to stay for as long as I’d like on the first night we knew each other. So may I ask for the honor of staying by your side, forever? Will you give an old man like me the most joy he could ever receive, and become my husband?” He said more words at one time than I’d ever heard from him before.

By then I was crying heavily and nodding furiously. “Yes, Levi! Yes! Of course I’ll marry you!”

He smiled like I’d never seen him smile before and it was absolutely breath taking. He kissed me passionately and took the ring from the box, shoving the box back into his pocket quickly before taking my left hand and sliding the perfectly sized ring on my ring finger. Levi kissed my hands and then hugged me tight. He didn’t let me go until I kissed his shoulder. He looked down at me since he was standing again and extended his hand. “Let’s go back, so we can enjoy the rest of the week in the comfort of our own house rather than a picnic table.”

I smiled and wiped my eyes and sniffled before taking his hand in my left so we could return. I stared at the ring glinting at me between our fingers. It seemed impossible for it all to have come together so perfectly. The moon guided us on our way to the beach house and when we got there we stumbled our way through the house to the bedroom in an urgent fit of kisses. We made it to the bed where we made love in a way I didn’t think was possible for us. It was slow and sweet and can only be described as pure. Neither of us dominated, because we were one, so we did everything that felt right, we took turns having a slight upper hand when it called for it, but there was not aggression. It was just the love between us that pulled us so close. We shared the moment for all it was worth.

We started planning the wedding when we got home. I made the phone calls to everyone in my contact list and everyone congratulated me. Armin and Mikasa wanted to see me the minute I told them. I told them to come that weekend so Levi and I would be home, but I told them to go to Levi’s flat while I moved all of my things there. But Levi told me not to unpack anything. When I asked why he simply said “We’re moving.”

“Where, Levi? Where do you want to go?”

“Wherever you are, my dear.”

“I want to be in the countryside.”

“Then we can go there. I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to have to worry about anything ever. I want to spoil you.”

“You already do that, Levi.”

“Then I want to spoil you more, Eren. I love you and you deserve everything I can give you.”

“Oh, stop it. I’m happy just by having you, my love.”

He kissed me and grabbed my hips to keep me in place. We kissed until a knock sounded on the door and he let me go. I ran to the door, checked the peephole and opened the door quickly. My sister and my best friend were waiting at the door when I tackled them in a hug. It’d been too long since we all were together.

“I missed you guys.”

“We missed you too, Eren,” Armin squeaked. His blonde hair was getting long and he had it in a short ponytail. He eyes were just as blue as always though. “So let me see the ring!”

I jumped up and down and shoved my left hand out. “Isn’t it beautiful?!” The small diamonds flared up on opposite directions flawlessly smooth in wing-like patterns on the silver band.

“Whoa! That is amazing! Eren, that’s absolutely stunning.”

“Thank you,” Levi called from inside. “Now why don’t you invite them in, Eren?”

“Oh, yeah, right! Come on in, guys! Excuse the mess; we’re in the midst of me moving out of my apartment, and us moving out of the flat.”

“Where are you going?” Mikasa asked as she sat on the couch.

“We’re going to see if there are any houses out in the countryside.”

“How far away will you be?” Armin asked.

“We shouldn’t be too far.” Levi called from the kitchen as he prepared drinks and snacks. “I still have to be able to get to work, and I really don’t want to commute for several hours one way.”

“When will we be moving, babe?”

“When we find a house, silly.”

I smiled at his response and looked to my friends as Levi walked into the living room with a breakfast tray full of food and drinks for everyone. He used to be really anal about eating in the living room, but he eventually got over it when I cleaned up after myself.

“Well we’re really happy for the two of you!” Armin said cheerfully.

“Yeah, we are. You guys made it really far, even if it doesn’t seem like that long of a time.” Mikasa admitted.

Levi sat down next to me and nuzzled into my shoulder whispering his thanks. He was a little uncomfortable with Mikasa, because he wanted to prove to her that he wasn’t going to mess up again. Every encounter between the two is usually Mikasa trying to be sly as she sends daggers his way and him numbly accepting them so he didn’t make me or Mikasa mad. He didn’t want a rerun of our first fight. But after the initial meeting I usually stepped in. But this time I didn’t need to apparently. It was a step forward between them. I guess she finally gave up in trying to kill my now fiancé.

I wrapped my arm around Levi and then eventually let him lay across my lap. Occasionally I feed him some popcorn or pretzels until he stopped gaping like a fish for more food. The four of us caught up and the wedding planning started. We decided we would have it in early September so it wasn’t too hot or too cold and we immediately made calls to make sure that three months was enough leeway to get the jobs done. We picked the colors and the fonts and the flowers. We decided we’d both wear tuxedos. I would be in a cream and Levi would be in a darker grey. We’d both have a deep green vest and tie. Levi decided to wear a white cravat instead though since he said it would be tucked under the vest. It all made me so happy. We went with our separate friends to get fitted at different times and kept them stored at the bridal shop so we didn’t see the other in the tux.

I was glad that Levi actually let me spend some of my monstrous inheritance and earnings. Everything went according to plan and soon the wedding came. All of our friends and coworkers were there. Levi and I got teary-eyed when we said our vows. When the minister said you may now kiss your husband, Levi pulled me down and kissed me like never before. Everything he felt was pushed onto me and everything I felt was pushed onto him. We were in a state of euphoria. Everyone stood and clapped as we made our way down the aisle to the rest of the gardens where the reception was held. The whole wedding was at a mansion that belonged to his friend, coworker and best man, Erwin, who I had met a year ago and we spent a lot of time all together. All of Levi’s friends were nearby as they all worked in the same branch of government.

The first song and dance obviously went to us, and I was thankful that Levi had taught me how to dance so we weren’t stuck doing a two-step shuffle around the dance floor. Levi and I smiled brightly at each other. We were so happy in that moment and it never seemed to end. Our honeymoon was spent traveling across Europe where Levi had and hadn’t been. We were gone for almost two months as we traveled to London, Paris, Berlin, Rome, Venice, Moscow, Madrid, Athens, Vienna, Brussels, Luxembourg, Amsterdam, Dublin, Stockholm, and Helsinki. We didn’t go in that order but we went there, and each place was beautiful. And every day I seemed to fall in love with Levi more.

We’ve been happily married now for two years. I’m now twenty-eight, and Levi is thirty-six. Levi still goes on trips to France and Japan, but lately they’ve been more frequent. It makes me want to watch the news and know what’s going on between the United States and one or both of these countries. And unfortunately today I have to see my husband off again. I try not to think about how lonely the house will be regardless of Jessi. I want to adopt a child soon, but Levi got me a cat. That sparked an argument of it because he doesn’t understand that I want a child not a cat. He then said he’d take the cat back if I didn’t want it. I couldn’t give up a source of companionship so I said that wasn’t what I meant, and that the cat could stay, I just wanted to start a family. He put the cat back down on the floor and walked up to me and grabbed my wrists and kissed the tops of my hands. “We’ll start the process when I get home, if that will make you happy. We’ll talk about it then.” I nodded, because I knew that was the best I would get for now.

It’s funny how when we got married and moved to the country into a beautiful home, he was all about spoiling me. But now-a-days he seems a little distant and it’s starting to scare me. I’m sure it’s just work that stressing him out, what with all the traveling he’s been doing. I’d be stressed too. While he’s kept work from me since we met, he seems more consumed by something. It’s unlike him to just go somewhere without complaining about the plane or the people he has to talk to. He hates being diplomatic sometimes, because he just wants to ‘yell at them to shut up and think outside their asses’ as he likes to say. He never told me how Erwin or Hanji fit into the department, but Hanji got closer to me and would occasionally tell me a story here or there about Levi in his adventures overseas. It doesn’t seem to change what I already know though.

Today I have to see him off. I grab my car keys and his suitcase for him while he carries his briefcase. He has his suit jacket on to show that he’s professional. We drive to the closest private airport where his jet is waiting. It’s a fancy jet for all the rich government people and billionaires. Granted, I am a millionaire myself, but I don’t need a private jet. I just need my friends and what little family I have. The drive was silent and tense for me. I don’t know what’s going on but I don’t like it. I park a distance from the jet and pull out his suitcase from the trunk. When I close it, he’s already walking away from the car. He didn’t even say anything. What does that mean? Does he not love me anymore? Is that why he’s distant? Is that why he doesn’t want to adopt?

A sob gets caught in my throat but I push it down. I can’t get emotional like this. I don’t want him to feel like he has to miss work. He wouldn’t be able to even if he wanted to. Which I think is the worst part. If there was an emergency, he wouldn’t be able to just drop whatever was going on to help me. I bring his bag to the stairs for the man to put in the plane’s storage. Levi is already inside the jet, and normally I don’t try to do this, but I need to talk to him. I climb the stairs swiftly before I get yelled at for not being a part of the government to be on this plane. Levi is situated on one of the comfortable looking chairs at a table that’s bolted in place. He’s reading a paper and drinking tea from his thermos. I clear my throat making him look up.

“Eren, what are you doing? You know you’re not allowed on the plane.”

“I know…but you didn’t say goodbye…” I look down and twist the golden band on my ring finger behind the silver one, suddenly self-conscious. I couldn’t help it. My husband of two years suddenly forgets to say goodbye and give me a thousand hugs and kisses before even stepping foot on the plane.

Levi suddenly snaps out of his reverie and gets up quickly. “Oh shit. I’m so sorry, Eren. I was on autopilot and I wasn’t even thinking.” He rushed over to me and got on his toes and kissed me softly and hugged me tight. He gave me his usual attention when it came to goodbyes and I felt a little better. This never happened before though, so it still scared me. I don’t want him to just go through the motions… But I guess if just going through the motions, doesn’t involve me then I must be the unique part in this… Right? I gave him my love and wished him a safe trip and kissed him one more time.

“Call me when you’re in the hotel room for the night.”

“I always do, Eren.” He smiled, but it twitched ever so slightly. One the drive home I wondered about that twitch. He’s only twitched like that when he’s hiding something. I don’t like it. What is he hiding?

I got home and slammed the door shut unbeknownst to my own irritation. What is he doing? He’s been distant and he forgets to say goodbye. He doesn’t seem to want to have children with me, and he hasn’t been himself in bed, even. Maybe he’s going through a midlife crisis? He’s at that age now, right? That would make a little more sense. But what do most men do when they’re in a midlife crisis? They detach themselves. Check. They start to think that they could just leave and be better off. Not sure, but that could be why he didn’t say goodbye. They don’t feel the urge to be a parent or spouse. Half check that. They have aff- no. Don’t think about that. I’m sure Levi would never do that. He’d never cheat on me. He knows what that’d do to me. I could…please Levi, don’t let that be a check on this list.

Now I’m anxiously pacing the house. Jessi is meowing at me for more food so I absentmindedly fill her dish and place it on the floor. I think about what’s going on. Levi has been going on more business trips than before. What if he’s meeting someone there? What if- STOP! He’s not. He wouldn’t. I can’t let this consume me.

But with me not working, or going to school, I have nothing to do when he’s gone. And I can’t ask Hanji to take off from her job. It’s not fair to her. And I can’t always ask Armin or Mikasa to stop by and drag me out of the house. It’s not fair to them either. I have to find another way to get this off my head. Hey, wait. Maybe if I go back to school…I could always finish college online. I’m always seeing those commercials for just that. I should do it. I have the money and the time for it now. Why not? I venture into the office for the family laptop. I sit at Levi’s desk and turn the laptop on. His leather seat is comfy so I stay where I am while I wait for the laptop to start up. I examine the pictures on his desk and smile fondly. There’s one of our wedding, one of our first vacation to Florida where he proposed. Then there’s one I haven’t seen before. It’s a picture of Erwin and Levi sitting on a dock. Erwin is leaning into Levi who’s just looking at the camera with his usually bored expression. But something in Erwin’s eyes is predatory. Like he could eat Levi. No… It wouldn’t be him would it? They see each other every few days.

The last time he came over for dinner. Then he and Levi went to the office to work out who knows what. When I walked in to collect the coffee mugs and refill them, Erwin was leaning a little too close for comfort and Levi looked indifferent on the surface, but his muscles tensed like he was caught doing something he shouldn’t have been. I can’t believe I’m analyzing this. He’s probably just stressed from work. But the ‘what if’s are drawing me back. I need to get the computer ready so I can go back to school. When the screen lights up the thing draws me first is a window that’s minimized. I open it back up and freeze immediately. A chat room is open and there’s clearly a conversation that was going earlier. A screen-name DanchouCunning is who he’s talking to under the persona of HeichouStrongest. I can’t believe it. They shared nude pictures from the chest down and a few close ups. I can’t believe it. Levi…

The tears stream down my face freely and there’s no way to stop the flood. I curl into a ball in the leather chair and sob to myself feeling more alone than I had since my parents’ funeral eight years ago.


	2. Levi: The (Worst) Time of My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi descends into his own madness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is significantly shorter than the first, but the content is heavy.

I can’t believe what I’m doing. What am I doing? 

Oh come on, you have no reason to ask yourself that. You know what you’re doing and you should hate yourself right now. You were so engrossed in trying not to get caught that you were obviously doing something you shouldn’t have been doing. Now you’re making up excuses to get to Paris and meet up with Erwin. You’re such a failure. 

You should know better than this. You love Eren. He’s your husband! He carries your last name now. And now you’re shaming it. Shaming him. You should go back. You can’t let this go further. Fuck Erwin! 

But fuck Erwin. Fuck him and give yourself a taste of something different from the usual with Eren.

But you’re never usual. It’s always been different, asshole. Stop this now and go home. Tell Eren the truth and let him ruin you like you know you deserve. You didn’t marry him because he was just a piece of meat. You married him because he’s your everything. You love him! Stop letting him down, and start a family with the man who clearly loves you!

You got him his house, you got him his car, you got him everything you could, and not just because he asked for it. You’ve wasted your money, Levi. 

No! He wanted that house with you. It’s OUR house. He wanted a car that would be OURS. And now you’re treating him like nothing. Less than nothing. You forgot to say goodbye. The look on his face said it all. He’s never been good at hiding emotions. And look what you did to him. He was scared and lonely. He was so scared he had the audacity to climb onto the plane, not caring who else could have been on it. Don’t you see what you’re doing to him, Levi? You don’t deserve him. But he deserves the truth.

Tears overflow and a sob racks my body. I don’t deserve him. I don’t fucking deserve him. I need to go home. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t let myself sink further. My crying continues until the plane reaches Paris. I get out of the jet with red eyes and stained cheeks. I don’t care. I tell my pilot, Auruo, I’m going back home tomorrow morning first thing. He looks incredulous but he nods and tries to process the sudden demand. I need to cancel the hotel room for the two weeks I’m supposed to be here. My chauffeur, Eld, makes a point of rambling about the oddities of Paris at this time of day and I numbly listen, letting his voice become noise to cover the thoughts bouncing around in my head. It doesn’t work very well, but it’s something. Eld pulls in front of the hotel and I practically run to the front desk. A girl with strawberry blonde hair and a fair face welcomes me.

“Bonjour! Beinvenue à La-”

“Yeah, whatever. I need to cancel my reservation. Ackerman, Levi. And I don’t care how much it costs to cancel. Just do it.”

“Skipping out like that are we?” The deep voice behind me terrified me and almost made me lose my resolve.

“I’m going home.”

“What? After all that teasing, you’re not going to let me finally have my way?”

“No, Shitwin. I’m not. Now go home. Because that’s where I’m going tomorrow morning.”

“Then stay the night here at least. Let me have that much.”

“I said no! I’m not going to do this. I’m not going to ruin my marriage for you! I love the man that’s sitting at home waiting for me to discuss adoption!”

“You? With children?”

“Yes, because for him, I’d do anything.”

“You’d change diapers for him?”

“Yes! I would! You don’t have anyone like that, so don’t you judge me because you don’t understand what it’s like to love someone!”

“But I do know what it’s like. Because they’re in front of me.”

“What did you just say?”

“I said I love you.”

My anger flared more and my reflexes exploded. I heard the slap before I felt my hand doing it. “I don’t give a fuck! I’m going home, Shitwin. Go home. I’m done here.” 

I move past him but he calls calmly after me. “You don’t want anything leaked do you?”

“You wouldn’t!”

“Ah, but I would. Stay the night and go home in the morning. You don’t even have to stay the full night.” He moved behind me faster than I thought. Now he’s whispering in my ear. “Just let me fuck you, and we’ll never speak of this again.”  
I stiffen. If they got leaked Eren would know. He’d know immediately because Mikasa follows up on everything to keep Eren safe. Armin would probably find out and wouldn’t want to say anything in fear of hurting his friend. But he’d tell Mikasa. And Mikasa would beat the shit out of me and take Eren away. It’d be what I deserve, but I’m selfish. If I do this, Eren will never know and I won’t have to worry about it ever again. I just have to call him before bed and tell him that I’ll be coming home tomorrow. I have to hide this bastard for about a half an hour while I talked to Eren, though. Whatever. It’s one time, against my will and I’ll take it like a man. I can’t let Eren know. It should be easy right?

I walk back to the desk and tell the girl at reception to keep just tonight in French. The girl held on to the card tightly, clearly not wanting me to take it. I look at her name tag. Petra. She gives me a strongly apologetic look. I snatch the card before she can guilt me further than I’m already doing. I make a move to take the elevator to the top floor. 

Erwin follows me like a dog and hovers right over me. The actions just disgust me, but there’s nothing I can do now. He has the perfect blackmail against me. He would only have to hit send and our nudes and our conversation would be everywhere. I unlock the suite’s door and push it open. Erwin’s on my neck and his hands are on my hips, trying to get a rise out of me. He doesn’t get one he likes when I shove myself away from him. He wrenches me back and I struggle against him more. 

Why didn’t I do this in the lobby? Petra would have helped me. She didn’t want me to go up here. She knew English well enough to pick up on what was happening. Erwin tightens his grip and he takes his time touching me until he gets any kind of response. He only gets my fighting spirit. I’m kicking and screaming until Erwin punches me in the gut. He knocks the breath and fight out of me. Now I’m genuinely terrified. He’s going- I can’t- No! I thrash around with a bought of terror.

Erwin pins me down to the bed and I let out a scream. “Help! Someone help me! Fuck! Anyone! Please!”

A large hand clamps over my mouth and tears spring to my eyes. I scream and cry and try to bite down, but his hand is too tight, restricting any kind of movement. I look toward the door and let my pitiful cries get muffled by his hand. I continue my fruitless struggle. He’s too strong. I can’t get out.

Erwin crawls on top of me against my will and I keep trying to fight, but it’s all useless much to my chagrin. He mistakes my wild bucking as a sign to let himself continue whatever touch I’m trying to block from my mind.

Soon enough Erwin bites my neck, making me wince and blink back more tears. I hate this. This is so dirty, and disgusting. I don’t care how close he was to me all these years. I hate him. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate hate hate hate hate him! I hate myself. I did this to myself. Whatever happens to me I deserve. I deserve this. I deserve this. All of it. I deserve to be ass raped by Satan, and that’s what I’m getting. My not so silent tears slither down my face. Erwin rips my clothes off, clearly tired of waiting for me to respond well to his shitty mouth work. It’s not Eren. He could never be Eren. He could never compete. Why did I ever do this? What made me do this to myself? I hate this with all that’s in me. Erwin forces his fingers inside of me. My cries of pure pain and torture fuel the monster further. I bite his hand hard and I receive a powerful smack across the face. I only cry out more while I have the chance.

His girth lines up and burns my ass as he shoves his way into me with no apparent regret. His moans of how tight I am sicken me. I’m not tight. I just don’t want it, but here I am, pinned underneath this shitty Captain America looking bastard! He’s hurting me. And he doesn’t even care. I feel a warm dripping. That may or may not be blood but I have no way of knowing.

I start to count to try to forget this as it happens.

It took me counting to twenty-nine minutes and fifty-two seconds for him to cum inside of me. I remember it all. I cried the entire time, entirely ashamed of everything. I feel useless, and clearly used. I did this to myself. I literally asked for it and then I changed my mind. But that’s the thing about words, and actions, you can’t take them back. Once the crime is committed, there’s no turning back. You can only hope to not get caught. When Erwin finishes he falls on top of me, pinning me in place indefinitely. I can’t comfort myself. Not that I really deserve that much.

Eventually Erwin picks himself up, kisses my shoulder and pulls himself away. I can’t stop the sobbing. There was no dam anymore. It burst open and can’t be fixed. I slide to the floor and curl into a ball. My body hurts, but my heart hurts even more. I need Eren. Eren. Eren. Eren. Eren. Eren. ErenErenErenErenEren! Eren! ErenEren! Eren! Eren! EREN! EREN! EREN! EREN!

Erwin kicks me over, harshly pushing me into the nightstand and covers my mouth again. “If you say his name one more time, I’ll do the same thing to him as I just did to you.” I didn’t even know I was calling for my husband out loud.

I shake my head pathetically until he releases my mouth. “Don’t hurt him, please. I’m begging you, don’t hurt him! He’s my everything…I can’t lose what’s precious to me, and he’s the last beautiful gem I found that stayed with me and held me like I was precious, too. Please, you can take away my light, but don’t touch his. Please Erwin…I thought you were my friend. I trusted you! I told you everything and you betrayed me! Raped me just so you could have your way. You’re a monster!”

“Oh, it wasn’t rape, you were crying with joy just before.”

“I was in pain! I’m in pain! I’m dirty and tainted. Someone other than my husband has just touched me and left their mess in me. I’ve been defiled! You’re disgusting. I’m disgusting. Disgusting disgusting disgusting!” I get up quickly and run to the bathroom my hand flying to my mouth. I slam the door and gag and retch before throwing up in the toilet. My fingers clench tightly, white knuckles holding back my own hair. My sobs shake me more as I dry heave but with nothing in my stomach it quickly becomes painful. “I deserve this. I deserve this. I’m so sorry, Eren. I’m s-so sorry,” I whimper pathetically. “I’m nothing, I don’t deserve you…I never did. I hurt you too much. I thought I was doing well as your husband, but I failed this week. I lost everything today. I’m sorry for not being the man you wanted and needed me to be.” Moans of misery continue to leave my body, but do nothing to make me feel better about anything. I should just end this…end me. He doesn’t need this in his life; he doesn’t need me when I do this to him. Another man touched me because I wasn’t strong enough. I lock the door and start to fill the luxuriously sized tub with lukewarm water. I should just get this over with…

I lay down in the tub not even bothering to turn the water off and roll onto my stomach. 

I’m sorry Eren. You don’t need me anymore. I’ve betrayed your trust. I deserve nothing less than painful death. Suffocation. Let me choke on the life I used to have. I deserve nothing less than that.  
With that I let my head sink down into the water and relax my muscles. I won’t fight this. I’m a coward. I hear nothing but the flowing water and my own thoughts. I drown myself in my sorrows. I deserve this. I have nothing left. I’m an empty vessel, full of another man’s seed. 

This is the only thing I’m good for now. 

Drown, Levi. Die. Just die. Let death come swiftly and accept his hand. You deserve this, old man. You betrayed him. You ruined your body. You dirtied yourself and you’ll never be clean. You’ll never be clean. Wash your insides. Breathe in already. You can’t hold it forever.  
I breathe. I listen to the madness in my head. I breathe the water. I sputter but I hold myself under. Breathe, Levi.  
My body automatically cuts off my air as water enters my lungs, suffocating me. My body’s instincts kick in and make me thrash slightly. I close my eyes and keep my head down. My body drinks in the water since I can’t breathe anymore. 

I need to die. I can’t live knowing what I’ve done. I’ve hurt Eren. Even if he doesn’t know it yet. I’ve hurt him.

DIE DAMN IT! JUST DIE ALREADY!

The noise is right, I should just die already.

My tears mix in with the water around me, but I can feel the salty drops behind my eyelids to know there was no end to them. I don’t know how much time goes by. I didn’t count this time. My body relaxes and my mind starts to shut down.

Finally…

A muffled pounding and slamming becomes distant. I feel my body getting cold in the warm water. Blood is cutting itself off to keep my heart and brain going. It’ll be over soon.

I’m sorry Eren. I love you more than anything else. You were everything for me. I’ll miss you, more than you could ever know. I’ll wait for you when your time comes around. I have a long wait ahead of me, but I’ll wait. I love you so much Eren! Find happiness, please. Be happy with life, wherever happy is for you. I’m sorry for leaving you like this. This is goodbye. I’ll miss your soft hair on my cheeks. And your eyes that hold the entire ocean that you so dearly love. I’ll miss your gentle kisses and your warm reassuring hugs when work stresses me out. I’ll miss our nights of passion and days of love. I’ll miss you Eren. 

I’ll miss you so much! I don’t want to leave you! I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry! Please forgive me, Eren! I don’t deserve it, but I don’t want to be without you. Please…Please…I love you so much Eren! 

I already miss you, too.

I want to stop. Get me out of the tub. Get out! My body fails to listen. I’m too late…My voice cries out sharply through the water, choked on water and the overflowing emotions.

I can’t hold on anymore.

I’m sorry Eren. I don't want this to be our end. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for leaving you with just a cat. I know you want so much more. I'm sorry I couldn't provide that. I'm sorry that I've just taken away a chance for a future for us. I'm sorry I gave up. I'm sorry for not growing old with you. I'm sorry for not giving you everything else you deserved. I'm sorry that you'll never hear how sorry I am. I'm sorry you won't know what happened to me. But maybe that's for the best. I can't stand hurting you. You'd be devastated to know I ended my own life out of pure selfishness. I'm sorry, my dear.

I love you so much. I love you. I'll say it until I die. I'll say it for the next few minutes. 

Goodbye, my dear.

Goodbye.

I love you, Eren.

I love you, Eren

I love you, Ere

I love you, Er

I love you, E

I love yo

I love y

I love

I lov

I lo

I


	3. Eren: To be the man who traveled 4,000 miles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets a call and a ticket, or five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting in the past few days to anybody following the story! I try to thoroughly proofread my chapters and continue to write more before I post things. Thanks for all the kudos from all of those enjoying the work! I really wasn't expecting any kind of activity so soon, so thanks for taking your time to do that!

Nine hours passed surprisingly quickly. I had stopped crying and rocking in the leather chair, and instead I sit staring, disgusted, at the computer screen. My phone begins to yell at me to answer. I snap my attention to it and examine the unsaved number calling me. It’s an international line. Levi told me to be careful with unknown numbers for obvious reasons when we first moved in together, so I answer cautiously.

“Hello?” My voice is raw and nasally. I sniffle and wipe my eyes out of sheer habit.

“Is this Mr. Ackerman?” a slightly accented voice inquires.

“Who is this?”

“I’m Doctor Dita Ness. Your husband is currently under my care at the American Hospital of Paris and I urge you to fly over to supervise him.”

“Wait! Why is my husband in the hospital? What happened?”

“Sir, I ask you to book a flight immediately, book a hotel room as well for your stay until your husband has recovered.” With that he hung up. This is serious. He’s still my husband. I can’t abandon him. As angry and depressed as I am that he felt the need to have an affair, even if it’s online…I can’t leave him. I love him with everything I have…

I hurry to pack a duffel bag full of clothes, a toothbrush and toothpaste. I’ll worry about the rest when I get there. I’ll have to go through the airport like a normal person does. Why didn’t we waste money on a jet? Fuck! What the hell happened that they need me there right away? Please don’t let him be dying!

I grab my car keys, wallet and passport, and run out the door.

Racing to the airport, I ignore any and all traffic signs. At this point, I don’t care if I get a ticket or two or five. I need to get to Levi. He needs me and I need him.

I botch my parking job and run to the reception desks. Screw the car. I need to get to Paris. Looking for the international flight companies and conveniently I spot an open desk for Air France with a woman waiting for a flier.

“I need to get to Paris, immediately. When is the next flight?”

She is surprised by the urgency and skeptically types away at the computer. “The next flight is in four hours.”

“Four hours?!”

“Yes, sir.”

“Fuck.” I mutter and tug at my hair. “Fine! Just book it. I don’t care where I sit. Just get me on that plane.”

“Yes, sir. How many bags do you have with you?”

“One.”

“Any overhead storage needed?”

“No.”

“Very well. You will be on flight 627B seat G6 Window. Gate F. The total comes to two-thousand-three-hundred and twenty-one dollars.”

I pull out my credit card and shove it towards her with my passport and driver’s license.

The woman looks it all over and swipes my credit card. I sign the pen pad and hand over my duffle bag. She tags it and hands my ticket and my credentials back. I nod and make my way through security where I get lost in my thoughts. I didn’t bring anything with me to distract myself except for my cell phone. After security I make my way to Gate F and wait.

I stare at my phone. I should call him…maybe he’ll answer and this is some sick joke. I don’t even know what’s going on. Anything is possible right now. Right? This could be a joke and the computer screen could have been lying. It might not even be Levi in that sent picture. I could be dreaming right now.

I pinch myself hard and wince, closing my eyes. When I open them I’m still in the airport, but now an old woman across from me and pulling her grandchild closer to her. Who am I kidding? I know my husband’s body more than my own. I’m not dreaming. This is all too real. I feel sick. Why would he do this? Why is he in the hospital? Did he go to meet this “DanchouCunning” asshole and they were actually murderers and they tried to kill him? What happened?

I’m scared. I’m scared for my husband, for my marriage, for me. What’s going to happen now?

I end up falling asleep somehow and my dreams scare me to tears. The rings on my finger burn and I twist them around nervously. I scrub my cheeks and sit in silence. I don’t think I’d be able to talk if I wanted to.

After another half hour of waiting my flight is announced and my row groups are called to board soon enough. I half run to the desk and shove my ticket at the guy collecting and scanning them. I board the plane and situate myself at my window seat. It’s dark. But it’s probably even darker in Paris. While there are only nightmares awaiting me in my sleep, I allow myself a couple of hours.

I wake up but I keep my mouth shut the rest of the way to Paris, not even bothering to make small-talk with the overly average man next to me. I watch out the window .The lights of cities shine brightly in little dots. When the ocean can be seen I know that I still have quite the trip ahead of me. The moon dances on the waves below. It’s a beautiful distraction. By my thoughts evade my mind eventually, corrupting the view. My phone’s clock never changed yet thanks to airplane mode, so it reads 2:47 am. I already watched the sun rise though. We still have two more hours before we land if my math is right.

These past six hours were spent with hardly any rest and without food. I couldn’t stomach either during the flight.

We finally land after two hours like I assumed. I ignore the pilot as he announces precautions to take and general welcomes to France. Other passengers seem to be moving in slow motion to get off of this plane. Can’t they see my desire to get the hell off?! Slow and slow all the way through, I show my passport and get it stamped at the second string of customs. I go to a bank thankfully in the airport for currency exchange and pull out three-thousand euros from Levi’s emergency international account. I run out of the airport with my duffel bag in hand and hail a cab. It’s almost noon in Paris and quite disorienting. The last time I was in Paris was for our honeymoon.

I hail a cab. The driver, a man named Gunther Schultz, tries to make small talk in broken English, but he’s just background noise. My mind is buzzing with curious repetitive questions and scenarios. The cab pulls up to the hospital and I run in after paying Gunther. I get to the desk quickly and I’m grateful for the use of English.

“Hello! Welcome to the American Hospital of Paris, how can I help you today?”

“I’m here for Ackerman, Levi.” I try, calmly.

“I’m sorry but visiting hours are not for another-”

I snap. “I just spent the last twelve hours in airports and on a plane to get here. I’m his husband. I swear to god, if you don’t let me see him and find out why the hell he’s here, I will murder someone.” My tired eyes sharpen and my breathing becomes laborious. My savage instincts make me want to kill the next person in my way, but for now, if looks could kill, this woman would be six feet under. I can’t go another second without answers. How was I so calm with this before?

“Mr. Ackerman?” A familiar accented voice behind me calls. I turn toward my surname to see a doctor in scrubs and a lab coat.

“That’s me,” I drawl.

“Doctor Ness. Follow me, please,” he beckons me and he calls back to the girl. “Josie, sign Mr. Ackerman in please.”

I hear her clicking away nervously as I’m guided to an elevator.

“Doctor, what happened to my husband?”

He pauses and remains facing the doors. With a careful sigh he clearly states, “He was drowning.”

“Drowning? How? He knows how to swim!” I stress.

“He drowned himself.”

I freeze. Drowned himself? He tried to kill himself? Why?! Why did he try to leave me further? I bite my lip hard to contain the sob that threatens to escape me. I haven’t cried so much in three years. Not since I thought he abandoned me. But this time he had to have known what he was doing. People don’t just try to kill themselves without knowing they’re doing so! He tried to leave me!

The elevator stops. The doctor leads me to the intensive treatment on the second floor in my tear filled state. He stops at room 205 and opens the door. Levi is lying on the bed with his wrists strapped to the railings. He is looking towards the window breathing shakily. “Doc, I already told you, I’m not eating it. It’s disgusting.” His voice gets soft and cracks, “I just want to go home.”

My cries break free as I run to the bed and hug him tight. “Levi! You bastard! You stupid fucking bastard! How dare you try to leave me!”

Levi’s voice cracks. “Eren? Eren! Eren, you’re here. Oh my…thank god. Wait… Why are you here?”

“I- I got a call- I got a call from- Do-Doctor Ness. Why? Why did you do it?”

We cry and his body tenses. I know he wants to hold me too, but the restraints are holding him back. “I don’t deserve you, Eren.”

“I know you don’t, but I’m here anyway.”

“What do you mean you know?” he sounds horrified.

“I know. About your affair. That DanchouCunning guy online.”

“Eren, I- it- it’s so much worse than that. It- I- It was Erwin. I tried to b-back out. But he blackmailed me…I let him in my room. But I fought against him… I- He raped me, Eren! He touched me! It wasn’t you! He made me unclean!” Levi’s body trembles in my arms. He’s shaken and afraid. I haven’t seen him like this before, like a frightened animal. “I’m not clean enough for you anymore. I can’t do this to you! I tried to end it so I wouldn’t have to face you again and see the disgust on your face when I said another man touched me. I wasn’t strong enough to protect myself! How am I supposed to protect you when I can’t even protect myself?” He’s yelling and crying. At the end of it all, tortured screeching meets my ears. I hold him tighter. Doctor Ness tries to approach him, but I glower making him stay in his place.

I whisper reassurances until he calms down. When he does, I sit up and lift my hand. This isn’t the best time, but my emotions have built up too much and I need to get it out in the worst way possible. I slap Levi across the face. I do nothing more and nothing less. I regret the slap, only a little bit though, because I register the black and blue mark already on his delicate face. That wasn’t from me.

He looks away from me, still crying. He knows there’s nothing he could have done to prevent that. He said he deserves it and he does. He had an affair. That was all I was mad at. I would never punish him for anything more than that. I couldn’t be mad at that of all things. Not at him at least. And so tears continued to flow down our cheeks. “Levi. I’m mad about the affair. I’m not disgusted by you though. I still love you. I believe that you fought. You wouldn’t have that bruise otherwise. I wish you didn’t come here to have an affair though.”

His misery racks our bodies and the doctor knocks on the door to remind us of his presence. “Mr. Ackerman, we did find traces of semen in your husband and clear signs of forced penetration. Your husband was in fact raped and the authorities are trying to find this Erwin Smith for his crimes.”

“Thank you, Doctor. Now can I please have my husband released from the bed so I can hug him properly?”

“Of course.” He comes to the sides of the bed and releases Levi’s wrists from the railing. Levi lunges and hugs me for dear life. His smaller, taut body fits perfectly against mine. He tucks his head under my chin and cries. He rarely cries. Any time he does, I know he’s well beyond overwhelmed by his emotions. I hold him tight against me. My mind is livid. I’m going to kill Erwin. He got between us. I will kill him slowly and painfully. I’m certain I’ll find him before authorities do. I’m sure he’s already taken his private jet back home and will be hiding out. And I know exactly where he’ll be hiding. He will die at my hands. If I know anything, he won’t give up. That picture said it all. We’ll see him again, and when we do, I’m determined to see his end.


	4. Levi: We Fight, We Make Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's hospital stay could be better, but at the end of the day Eren is still there.

Eren’s scaring me. He stopped crying with me and is now just holding my hands. He’s glaring dangerously at the door like if anyone were to walk in they would drop dead from his overflowing anger. I had Eren call Auruo and tell him that we’ll be waiting until I’m discharged to fly out and to expect Eren on the plane, too. News was bound to get out the minute I arrived in the hospital as a rape victim and placed on the suicide watch on top of it. With Eren here 24/7 and not taking so much as a break to sleep, I didn’t need to be in the restraints. The psychologist told me I was okay as long as Eren stayed next to me. He was going to do that without it being doctor ordered.

As six o’clock rolls around, it’s time for dinner and the hospital staff brings up two trays. One for each of us, both containing a balanced meal that I didn't really want to complain about. After dinner Eren crawls up behind me on the bed, adjusting it so we can sit up comfortably and wraps his arms around my waist. My body had been washed the night before by the nurses who watched over me and Eren gave me a silent bath this afternoon. I’m a lot calmer when he’s here. I don’t feel the need to scrub my body raw when he's the one giving me a bath.

“I’m sorry, Eren."

“I don’t want to hear it, Levi,” he says with an icy, tired voice.

“I’m going to say it anyway, because I am. I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I have nothing else to say. I know I did wrong and I did this to myself.”

His grip tightens and he growls in my ear. “I’m going to kill him for doing this to you. To me. To us. I’m going to cut off his dick and balls and slit his throat. I will slaughter him for making you feel worthless like this. You don’t deserve this torture. This burden isn’t yours alone to carry. He’s more at fault than you. Yeah, you sent pictures and teased him, but you didn’t want him when all was said and done.”

“But I didn’t fight it either.”

“Yes you did. You may not have killed him like I’m going to, but you didn’t give your body to him. You have bruises on your face and stomach. You were bleeding from your anus, Levi. You didn’t let him in willingly. He forced himself in you, and now I don’t want anything less than to force a knife into his body.”

“Eren, you’re scaring me…”

“Then imagine how terrified he’ll be to see me.” He laughs. “I’m livid Levi. I’ll kill him. I swear on my life I will.”

“Eren, stop, it’s not going to help anything to get yourself in that kind of trouble. He’s almost twice your size…”

“But he doesn’t have anything to fight for, like I do. He has no wife. No children. No job, I’m sure. He lost his friend by _raping_ him! I know Hanji will want to kill him too the moment she finds out. It will be easy to take his life.”

It became a fruitless effort to try to talk him down so I just relax myself against his overly tense body. He watches me and the door, switching focus until the news displays an older picture of me while I was here for work. His full attention becomes the world news television station as he turns up the volume.

“Levi Ackerman, American Ambassador for France and Japan was raped last night in his own hotel room by Erwin Smith, an American Ambassador for France and Germany. Smith blackmailed his victim according to eyewitness testimonies. Authorities are trying to locate Smith before he flees the country. If you have any information on the assailant, please call authorities immediately. In other news-”

Eren turns the television off. Erwin’s picture came up at some point during the reading. I yawn and he plays with my hair making me sleepier. Honey drips from Eren’s tongue and into my ears. “Get some rest, my love. You’ve had a crazy week it seems.”

“Stay with me…”

“Of course.” He holds me tight to his chest and entwines his fingers in my hair. He kisses my forehead and lets his body relax a little so he’s more comfortable for me.

The whole night he stayed in that position, watching the door. He clearly didn’t sleep at least not for long. His normally golden skin is pale and a quick glance at his eyes reveals dark, purplish bags. But he doesn’t seem tired or stressed in the slightest. Faint stubble is starting to grow on his jaw, much like my own. Eren feels me shift and looks down at me. His usual ocean green eyes are more intense, regardless of the rest of his appearance. His body screams sleep deprivation, but his eyes… His eyes glow with emotion, ready for anything and everything. I can feel them on me but I can't look.

I’m free to be discharged tomorrow, much to everyone’s surprise. My lungs were drained the night I had tried to end it all. My bottom is healing nicely Dr. Ness said. I just have to be careful. I have no fears of water, which my psychiatrist is please about. The doctors were trying to avoid giving me water, until I explicitly asked for it, which I did the moment I woke up. I no longer feel the need to leave Eren for my crimes. Eren hasn’t forgiven me per se, but I know he still loves me. As long as he loves me I can go on.

One more day of hospital gruel and pain medication, then I can go home. The day goes by in a slow show of silence. Eren doesn’t speak much, just noncommittal grunts to acknowledge the fact that I’m speaking. My husband holds me tight for the most part, but occasionally lets me get up and walk around. When he allows me to stretch he watches me intensely as if I’ll disappear. I understand his fear so I try not to go too long or too far from his side. I don’t want to go anyway. It’s easier if I just stay where I’m safe. Any other time I’ve been the one protecting him, and it would be a nice change of pace if it weren’t for _why_ it’s a change of pace.

Eren has been fidgeting with his rings since the news of my misfortune got out yesterday. As I stretch around six o’clock and we wait for our dinner, he twist the rings three times and then stops and does it again. Three. Why three? Maybe it’s one for each year we’ve been together. That would make sense…

“Hey, Eren..?”

“Hmm?” Another grunt. Nothing more. That’s really starting to piss me off.

“Can you give me a bath? This hospital is disgusting and it’s rubbing off on me.”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, sure.” He gets up off the bed and rings for a nurse.

Within a few minutes a nurse with short blonde hair strolls in. “What can I get you?”

Eren answers for me. “A clean hospital gown, a towel and maybe a razor if you can? If not, it’s okay. We’ll shave when we get home.” Eren leans against the connected bathroom door waiting for the nurse’s return. I watch him while he watches the door. “What are you staring at, Levi?”

“You…”

“Why?”

“Because I love you, you’re my husband, and I’m allowed to. Don’t be such an ass.”

“Oh, I’m _sorry_. Am I supposed to just forget that this happened? That we’re sitting in a hospital until tomorrow morning because you were brutally raped by a man who you were coming here to cheat on me with? Because if I was supposed to forget that, then I guess I missed the memo.”

“I’ve been trying to forget because I will forever hate myself if I don’t! I need to move on from it, and so do you! Bad things happen, alright? Yes, I did cheat, and yes I got raped because of it! But now, I need my husband to be here to pick up my broken self, because that’s what you’re supposed to do!”

“If I’m supposed to pick up the broken pieces, then you can expect me to get cut. And I am. Deeply. Just the fact that you felt the need to chase the tail of another man cuts me. I’ve been cut by you before. But this whole event, it’s like you exploded as you hit rock bottom. And all your broken pieces became shrapnel, right to my heart, body and soul. If you expected me to be bullet proof, you’re wrong. I’m human, Levi! I can’t just pick the pieces out of myself. I’m trying, but they’re bleeding. I’m hurt too, damn it!

“You’re still only thinking about yourself! Even through this shit, it’s still all about you. You tried to kill yourself because you’re so fucking selfish! How do I know you even love me still? For all I know you could have been afraid to look at me again because you knew that when you finally looked me in the eyes _properly_ again, I’d see that love gone. I don’t know though because you _haven’t_ looked me in the eye yet!

“On top of it all, you speak of it all like it’s nothing. Like this is no big deal. Well guess what, Levi! As my husband, you make a pretty big deal! Even if you weren’t my husband, this would be a big deal! You can’t act like this is just some _thing_ that happens to everyone. It doesn’t, Levi! This does _not_ happen to everyone. But it _did_ happen to you and you can’t just forget it. I know you! I know you can’t just forget about this!”

Every word pierces me. He’s right…I can’t even think of a comeback, even if it’s stupid, like calling him a brat or an idiot. Right now, he’s neither of those things, and I don’t have it in me to be spiteful. He didn’t explode like I did. He threw daggers in all the right places. He’s always been accurate with his shots. Eren knows right where to aim and he gets a bullseye every time. I don’t think I’ve ever properly won an argument against him before. I've just carefully avoided the things that would make Eren's anger rise.

Silence takes over. My mouth gapes open and shut until the nurse returns with just a towel and a clean gown. The tension hangs tight in the air even while Eren thanks the nurse and opens the bathroom door.

I stand frozen. If I move, surely I’ll break.

Eren sets up the tub and pulls out my shower products from my suitcase.

Eren had called for Auruo to bring me my suitcase last night so I’d have something to change into when I got discharged. He looks up at me, and stares directly into my eyes. The windows of the soul speak the truths I can’t say. I know what Eren means now. I didn’t look into his eyes before. But now that I’m staring right back at him, his face softens. He covers his mouth and searches me for everything I can offer him with my cold, grey eyes. My husband wipes his cheeks and sniffles a little before standing tall and rushing me with a hug.

“Oh, Levi, thank god it’s still there,” he sobs into my shoulder. I didn’t think I’d be supporting him in this moment. The tables shifted in who knows who’s favor. All I know is that Eren feels lighter then he should. How many days has he eaten the minimal amount of food? How many days have I been in Paris, again? I know he hasn’t sleep since he’s been here. Did he sleep on the plane? I know he’s tired, but his mind and body seem to deny him rest. I hug my dear husband close and comfort him with my presence.

“I’m sorry for scaring you, Eren. I must be a really shitty husband.”

“Kind of, but at least you admit to being wrong.”

“Hey, Eren?”

“Yes, Levi?”

“When we get home, can we talk about kids?”

Eren stiffens in my arms but lifts his head to search my face once more. “Are you serious? Are you sure?”

“Yes, my dear, I’m sure. I want to have a family with you.”

“Oh, Levi!” Eren surrounds me in a bone crushing hug and ironically kisses me softly. It’s my body and cheek that hurt, not my lips. “Alright, come on, let’s get you cleaned up."

I let a smile slip onto my face and nod. Eren closes the bathroom door behind him, making sure to lock it so nobody walks in. He unties the scrap of cloth and gently pushes it off of my shoulders, exposing the many bruises and teeth marks staining my skin. The bath water is steamy and looks relaxing, though so I step into the tub and Eren offers me his hand. I gladly accept it and let him guide me down into the water. For once he isn’t glaring at the door. He almost looks like his normal self while he gets the soap and gradually scrubs my body, not missing a spot. He uses a washcloth from that came with the fresh linens to wash off the bubbles before he puts his hand on the opposite side of my head and pulls me closer. He kisses the top of my head, leaving a dust of pink across my cheeks. I’ve always loved when he gets affectionate. I may not let him see that all the time, but he knows well enough.

Eren carefully shampoos and conditions my hair, expertly keeping it from my face. “How’d you get so good with washing other people’s hair?”

A soft laughter bubbles out from his chest. “Levi, I’ve watched so many videos on parenthood it’s not even funny. I even found some of my old baby videos at Mikasa’s house and watched how my mom had done it. Not to mention, Jean and Marco, as you should know have the twins on their hands, and sometimes they want to just have a night together, so I babysit the girls for a full day while you’re on trips so they can get a chance. They showed me the rest.”

“I must really be blind to my Youtube video recommendations then. I thought it was just a hiccup in their system when I got all baby videos cropping up.”

“Silly…"

“I’m sorry for being so oblivious.”

“It’s okay. It’s not the first time for either of us, and I doubt it’ll be the last.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” I look into the water. Maybe I should tell him about my work for once.

He makes a pleased noise through his nose and kisses my unbruised cheek. He lets me sit in the water for a little bit, but stays right next to me. That conversation can wait. I smile up at him. “I love you, Mr. Ackerman.”

My words produce a brilliant smile on my dear husband’s face. “I love you too, Mr. Ackerman.” I missed that smile. I would have missed it more if he said he didn’t love me anymore and requested a divorce. I would, miserably if I must say, give it to him if he asks for it.

I let myself soak comfortably on my back. Eren watches me place my head up to my ears in the water. He tries to be sly as he puts his hand under my head to make sure my face stays above the water. I let him have that thought while the fingers of his other hand gently pull at the little knots in my hair that come undone easily underwater. I keep my eyes on his, longing for his touch. He meets my eyes directly and smiles, apparently seeing my wishes. Strong, but gentle hands pull me smoothly up and out of the tub. Eren doesn’t worry about the fact that I’m soaking wet as he holds me in the air. I wrap my limbs around him. Now a little higher than him, I look down at his lips. Eren catches wind and supports my weight with one arm and pulls me gently by the back of my neck to catch my lips with his.

It’s so gentle. So sweet. My husband kisses me in little pecks, each peck with a different emotion behind it. I feel it all… Anger. Joy. Lust. Love. Reluctance. Relief. I feel it all separate as he goes through the emotions. My limbs tighten around his body and the arm under me lifts me higher, his hand gripping my wet hair tight. He turns and presses me against the tiled wall, kissing me even more. Our laborious breathing quickens and our lips separate. Eren’s teeth graze my neck lightly, making a groan leave my lips.

A knock resonates in the bathroom. Eren sighs and kisses my lips softly, clearly pulling back. He calls over his shoulder, “Just a minute!” He lets me down carefully on edge of the tub and dries me off like a child. He dresses me in the skimpy gown and ties it shut making sure nothing can be seen. He leaves the towel on my head though after drying my undercut as best he could.

Eren unlocks the door and opens it to see a male nurse with two trays of food on a cart behind him. “I brought your dinner.”

“Thank you, I’ll take care of it from here.”

The nurse just nods and leaves the covered trays on the bed.

Eren drains the tub and washes his hands. His comes over to me and lifts my chin with two fingers and places a chaste kiss on my lips. Eren lifts me up and carries me to the small bed to eat my dinner. He shifts the bed’s table tray over me and adjusts the bed to it’s perfectly upright.

“Thank you, Eren.”

“Mhmm. It’s nothing, Levi.” He kisses my temple and sets my tray in front of me, removing the cover.

We sit cross-legged in front of each other, sharing the small space and eat silently.

The rest of the night goes much like the night before. I cuddle on top of my husband and fall asleep. He doesn’t seem to sleep at all, and it’s very obvious when I wake up that he hasn’t slept well in days.

When Doctor Ness comes in this morning, Eren stiffens, clearly uncertain of who opened the door. Doctor Ness hands me paperwork and I sign it all. “Well, you’re free to go. Just take the medicine I’ve prescribed you, which your husband has for you, and take it easy for a few days.”

Eren nodded behind me and gently peeled himself off of the bed so he could dig through my suitcase for my clothes. He chose a smart looking dress shirt and sweater, with black jeans. I couldn’t argue with the style and I couldn’t argue when he decided to dress me, himself. He became extremely protective over me in these past few days, and I very clearly understood why. I thought we made progress last night, but the night seems to have dragged on Eren’s nerves and he recoiled a little. He’s better than the days before, having small conversations with me, but he seems to be lost in thought more often than not.

When I’m dressed, Auruo is asked to take our luggage to the car. Eren takes a quick shower before we leave, taking advantage of the resource now that he was certain I’d be okay if I just sat in there with him. He stripped himself down and took a seven minute shower. He never did take long, but I was thankful that he sped up even if by three minutes. He dries off, gets changed into fresh clothes similar to my own and styles his mess of hair back so it’s completely out of his face.

Eren wraps an arm around my shoulders and steers me through the hospital. As we approach the lobby Eren’s grip gets tighter. There’s a crowd of news broadcasters and political paparazzi. We’ve already been spotted so it’s too late to go out a different way. Eren keeps his hold on me and guides me to the doors. The moment they open pictures are snapped and questions are fired. My response is the same as always, silent and cold. But Eren’s is severely different. He stabs the reporters with his glares, instilling fear into any who think they could dare ask me a question. He snarls at them and shoves them swiftly out of the way. He doesn’t care what happens to them. He just wants to get to the car, and he gets there when he’s bared his teeth at enough of them to make them move. I never knew he could be so homicidal when it came to me. We get in the car and to the airport quickly. Eren grabs my hand and drags me up the stairs and buckles me into one of the seats. He sits next to me and does the same.

Eren’s body is tense. His knuckles are white as he holds my hand. He isn’t letting go anytime soon. Auruo checks to make sure we’re settled and closes the doors and makes his way to the cockpit. After a half hour of silence outside of the whir of the engines, Auruo says we can get up and move around, but then a muffled string of curses come over with it as he clearly bites his tongue. Eren unbuckles us and asks, “Is there a bedroom on this plane of yours.”

I nod in the direction of the back of the plane. Eren picks me up like he did last night and carries me down the aisle to the back of the plane where there’s a series of doors, all containing small bedrooms for longer flights like this one. Eren nudges one of the doors open with his foot and lays me on the plain looking bed. But instead of lying next to me, he straddles my hips. “Eren…what are you doing? I thought you were tired.”

Eren places his left hand on my uninjured cheek comfortably, making sure I feel his rings. I do the same for him and he kisses me passionately. “I’m going to make sure you know you’re still mine. I won’t hurt you, you’re still healing, but I’ll do everything you allow me to do.”

He starts peeling my clothes off and leaves me naked before him. He looks over my body, seeing the bruises and bites on my skin. He nods slowly and lightly traces my body with gentle fingers. He pulls his shirt off and kicks his pants to the floor. Eren turns my head gently so my neck is exposed. He kisses the bite marks and licks them slowly like a grooming cat. I then realize what he’s doing. He’s cleaning me. He’s using his body to clean mine, to reclaim me. Eren sucks at all the places Erwin had tugged on my skin with his dirty mouth. Eren licks and sucks and kisses everywhere that’s dirty. He makes new marks on my pale skin, overwhelming my senses with a mixture of gentle and rough. When Eren is satisfied, he kisses me passionately again. His tongue dances with mine. He holds me tight to him and forces small lewd noises from my body. His kisses tease me. He lowers himself and he leaves new marks on my hips, teasing me further.

Eren takes me in his mouth and makes me lose control. He sucks and licks and scrapes his teeth ever so lightly. His nose buries into the tamed, coarse hair. It drives me crazy. I’m a moaning mess under him and I quickly come in his hot mouth. I cry his name and pull his hair when he doesn’t stop. He keeps going and kisses me lower. He spreads my legs and kisses all the way. He licks the dirtiest place from that cold night. He turns me on again quickly as he loosens my tight muscles. He said he wasn’t going to touch there, but he seemed to have needed to clean me more and make me entirely his again. I moan and cry with the pleasure and sheer joy that I’m Eren’s once more. I never thought a thirty-six year old man like me would still cry for his lover.

Eren makes me weak in the knees as he plays with the forbidden fruit of our love and lust. He is gentle as he stretches me and he makes sure to suck on his fingers before he pushes them in carefully. Eren is slow and deliberate. Carefully planned. I can’t take it anymore and I push my hips onto his fingers. He smiles and takes me in his mouth again to keep me hard when he presses against the bundle of nerves. I call his name loudly and push against him again. He pulls his fingers out and licks them again making a sexy show of it. I reach out for him and he obliges me. I pull him onto the bed and push him onto his back. I slide down his body and flick his nipples. He squirms a little, just like he always does. I lower myself to his forgotten member and treat him. I mastered my husband’s kinks and desires long ago. Eren would have lost himself but he pulls me off of him and pulls me back up on the bed. He lets me lay down and he kneels on the bed in front of me. He lines himself up, and gently pushes his way in. He sends me into bliss. I rock against him, wanting it all and he happily gives it to me. Eren leans over and kisses my lips, my neck, my shoulder, my chest, everything, while he makes love to me. We need this and we need it badly. Eren is carefully rough. I don’t know how he manages it, but it feels amazing. We’re a tangled mess of limbs, moans, cries and tears. We spend the full seven hour stretch of flat air travel in that room. We take breaks, but we are constantly touching each other. Eren never lets go of me. Not even when Auruo calls over the intercom that we’ll be landing shortly and need to buckle up. Eren cleans me up and dresses me and then himself while keeping a steady lustful eye on me.

He picks me up and carries me back to our seats where he straps me in and makes out with me. It feels like our honeymoon all over again. Auruo lands the plane and he lets us out. We take a cab home because Eren had left the car at the public international airport where he departed from. Eren says he wasn’t even sure if it’d be there still because he had been in a rush. Knowing him, it probably did get towed. It doesn’t matter though because the whole way home Eren refuses to let me look out the window. He kisses me and pulls me on top of him and kisses me more. The cab driver is a little off-put by the display but doesn’t say anything when Eren throws four hundred dollars at him.

We get to the house and I can’t help but jump up and wrap my arms and legs around my love starved husband. He fiddles around with the key in the lock as he shoves his tongue down my throat. He gets it eventually and he takes us to the bedroom. The sheets are dirtied by us the rest of the day. We don’t need food or anything, because we’ve been feeding each other love and lust, which had gotten forgotten for some time, since we got home. I didn’t realize how much distance I put between us until Eren dragged me back in and made up for the distance in every way he could.


	5. Eren: Like They do it on The Discovery Channel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some secrets are shared and some mouths get dirty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the super long wait! I really don't have an excuse for not getting this story moving along. Hopefully while I'm on break though I'll be able to get out another chapter. Thanks again to all who have left kudos and enjoy my story!

I made sure Levi was mine in every single way I could think of. I made love, I fucked him, he made love, and he fucked me. We did the little things that drove each other up the wall for more. We did every playful tease, position, in every place in the house. The house was a mess by the time I was fully satisfied with my husband. He never called any other name, only mine. He never reached for anything else. He never resisted. He wanted me, and only me. We have little bruises littering our bodies, scratches on our backs, arms and hips, bite marks on our necks and shoulders. Our muscles are aching and everything is sore. We’re sweaty and sticky all over while we cuddle on our bed.

I have just enough strength to cuddle with Levi. He’s fast asleep. His breath tickles my collar bone.

I want to sleep, but I’m so paranoid and protective that I don’t dare close my eyes. I keep my eyes trained on the adorable face of my husband. I haven’t seen him sleep so peacefully in months. I guess work was stressing him out too, or maybe he really just needed to be screwed into oblivion. Well I gave him the second part which prevented him from focusing on work all day. I know when he wakes up next he’ll complain about his age as if he’s in his fifties. He’s only eight years older than me, so it’s not like he’s frail.

I watch the door skeptically, making sure no tall, blonde men stroll through. If any do, they’ll be shot dead. I reach across Levi to look at the clock and to check the drawer of the nightstand to be reassured that the pistol is still there. Normally, Levi is the one concerned about its whereabouts, but now I have a reason to worry. My husband’s rapist is on the loose. He’s probably already in the country again, and he could very well come here. He knows where we live and where we feel safe.

With a final scowl towards the door I watch the sun set through the closest window, looking out to the yard. My mind still runs with the cries of my lover as well as the imaginary pleads for mercy that that blonde bastard will make when I cut him to pieces.

I muffle these thoughts with the steady breath of my husband in my arms and on the fourth night, I finally get a full good night’s sleep.

 

I wake up twitching my cheek as Levi pokes me. “Get up. I want food.”

I groan. “Okay…get your own food. Let me sleep.”

“I want you to make breakfast. I always burn breakfast…”

“What time is it, Levi?”

“Two in the afternoon.” With a sigh I clamber into a sitting position. Levi crawls up from behind me and hugs me around my neck. He kisses my jaw. “Take a shower first though.”

“Only if you take one with me,” I bait.

“Deal.”

I reach around and grab his legs and pull them forward as I stand, carrying him on my back. Levi squeaks, but I’m sure he saw that coming. I do it often enough when he kneels wrapped around me like that.

I turn on the shower and step us both in. We didn’t bother with clothes last night; there was no need for them. We take a slow shower together, simply admiring each other’s handiwork. Once we’re done and dry I walk across the hall to get dressed in my flannel pajama pants and a simple grey tee shirt. I go downstairs with Levi following slowly. He’s probably sore still. I am too, but my husband asked for breakfast, so I’ll give him breakfast.

“Eren, can you make pancakes?”

“I can make whatever you want me to make.”

“And bacon?”

“Sure thing,” I smile and climb a couple of stairs back up to him and kiss him softly. “You know how adorable you are the morning after?”

“You say that every morning after…” he says, passing me. I follow him.

“That’s because it holds true every morning after. Sometimes I don’t want you to go to work when you’re like this. You make me just want to nuzzle into you and hold you like a teddy bear.”

“I’m not a teddy bear!”

“Fine, fine, you’re a doll.”

“Teddy bear it is.”

I can’t hold back the laugh. His face twisted in contempt with his eyes squinting. I kiss his forehead. “Oh don’t worry, I’m just saying you’re cuddlier than when you’re being a cactus and shoving spines up my ass in fury.”

“Kudos for analogies.”

“I try. I may be a college dropout but I’m quite smart.”

“I know you are, Eren.”

A meow is heard from around the corner. Shit! Jessi! “Oh, Jessi, I’m so sorry, I forgot all about you!” I look toward her food and water dishes and see them both filled. Hmm… I don’t remember filling them…I bend down and call the grey cat softly until she rubs against my legs. “Good girl. Such a pretty girl. Who fed you while I was gone? Hmm? Who fed you?”

“What are you talking about?” Levi interrupts.

“Her food and water dishes are full, meaning that at some point someone had filled her bowls.”

“Okay? And?”

“ _And_ neither of us were home to do it. So who was here?”

Levi hums his wonder and moves to the coffee pot. “I need coffee before I can think like that.”

I pull items from the fridge and cabinets and start breakfast. I use that to distract my mind from my thoughts from earlier, but I blurt it out anyway. “Hey, Levi?”

“Yeah?” He asks while making his coffee.

“Um, what would be your thoughts on me finishing college?”

“What would you need to finish college for? I thought you wanted to be a stay at home mom.”

“I guess you’re right…” I trail off.

He flicks my cheek. I didn’t even notice him sneak up on me. “Hey, if you want to finish school, do it. I’m not going to stop you. I have no power to, and if I did, I wouldn’t use it. What do you want to get a degree in? I thought you were undecided.”

“Well, I’m actually not sure now that you mention it.”

A chuckle leaves him. “Well figure it out and I’ll put you back-”

“No, Levi. I’m going to use some of my inheritance. My parents would have wanted it to be towards that, too. I don’t want you to feel like you have to pay for everything. I have money too. It may not be earned like yours, but it _is_ there for when I need it, and for when we have children. Hell, you could have let us share the cost of our home.”

“Eren, I bought the house as our wedding present to us. I know you argued it before, but I thought it was only fair because you put your inheritance toward the wedding itself. You’re the one that paid for the wedding, if you’ll remember.”

“Levi, our house cost almost three-quarter million dollars. The wedding was only forty-thousand. Wait…how do you have so much money? You know I have the inheritance, but how the hell do you have so much money on an ambassador’s salary? I’ve known you for three years, married for two, and I only just thought of that.”

Levi’s face fell. “Well it’s not that you didn’t ask, I just carefully avoided it.”

I leaned back against the counter. “Tell me, Levi.”

He sighs. “Well you have your inheritance because your father was a filthy rich doctor and your mother was a rich florist. _My_ inheritance comes from the black market. I’m an ambassador yes, but I’m also a black market dealer. That’s why my trips are two weeks rather than two days. I need to make it seem like I’m doing important political work, which I am, for the full two weeks during the day, but at night I’m meeting with various dealers and smugglers getting five-figure hard cash for those two weeks. It goes straight to the bank in the form of checks when I deposit the cash in my many untraceable international accounts and send the cash to my many American accounts and slowly trickle it all into my main account here for us.”

I laugh until tears spring to my eyes and breathing becomes difficult. He can’t be serious! Levi’s face scrunches up as he glares at me. My laughter quickly ends. “Wait. Are you serious?”

“Yes Eren, I’m serious. My parents were the leaders of the local international chains. They made way more than any maid or janitor should have made. When they were killed when I turned sixteen, I inherited the business and cash. So I have millions and I’m still making more. I have people who work for me that smuggle and get their profits and the rest is sent into my accounts where they all trickle around until it gets to me in various discreet ways. I never told you, because you wouldn’t want to marry a black market leader.”

I take time to process the new information. He’s a leader in the black market? Maybe that’s part of his ambassador work too? Government is shady enough, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he became an ambassador to get more income with the market. It would account for the two week trips, and for why he had been leaving more often, and maybe why he wouldn’t want children. That’d also make sense for why he’s so informal with work most of the time. Then something else comes to mind. “Erwin and Hanji, are they also a part of the black market.”

“Yes. They are. That’s why we were close and are all ambassadors for America and France. We all are ambassadors for a separate country to make it less suspicious for three ambassadors to be in any given country at a time. I also had Hanji get closer to you for added protection. I didn’t expect you two to become so friendly though to be honest.”

“God, this is like a load of bricks…No wonder you never talked about work.”

“I wanted to hide it from you, but this mess is going to be a big uprising in the underworld. My people are going to wait for me to see what I’ll do to Erwin. Who will replace him and how he’ll be dealt with. Things of that nature.”

“How are you so calm about this?”

“Eren, I’ve been doing this since I was sixteen. I’ve kept my market name up tight. The public would never suspect Levi Ackerman to be The Captain. I usually have a line-up of twenty different men who work as ‘me’ to get what needs to be done in public settings.” I chuckle a little, making his eye twitch a little. “What?”

“The Captain? That’s really your name in the underworld?”

“Well would you rather have the foot peddlers knocking on our door ‘looking for Levi’ to hand me three-hundred kilograms of cocaine?”

“You get up close with it?”

“No, I don’t but its food for thought.”

“I guess you’re right, but I would have married you anyway, just so you know.”

“Well it’s good to know that you won’t be asking for a divorce now then.” He sighs with relief. I didn’t realize that he was expecting me to just walk out.

“Well we’ve been together for three years and nothing bad has come from that end except for that bastard, so you’re doing well enough. I’m glad I have you protecting me.” I pause and think, giving it all time to sink in a little. “So when you go to work, where do you go?”

“Well in the morning I travel the hour and a half to Washington D.C. then around three I drive into Shiganshina and settle my business there. Then I come home, where you usually have a delicious meal waiting for me. The underworld knows that I can and will kill anyone if they ever were to try to find out where I live or even just what I do in my free time. I wanted you trained with that pistol just in case I didn’t make it through something. But, the underworld acknowledges me to be better than my father. I wouldn’t have made it for twenty years if I wasn’t the best at what I do.”

“I feel like I should be more concerned, but I’m not. I haven’t heard of this before. I never even questioned our income, thanks to my own stupidity. Maybe I should have stayed in college.” I say with a chuckle.

“No amount of college could give you the insight to know of my work. But are you mad at me for not telling you?”

“No, I’m not. I’m just glad that you told me at all. Everything makes more sense now. Why you were distant, why you didn’t want children and why you got stressed so easily. But it doesn’t explain the need for an affair. I guess your midlife crisis finally came around, even if it was just a blip in your system.”

Levi grips the counter and stares at the coffee pot vaguely. “Eren, the affair was of my own folly. I can’t blame a midlife crisis. I don’t want to make an excuse for being a piece of shit husband.”

“Well thank you for admitting that.”

He simply nods and pours his now-afternoon coffee. Silence falls over us with the weight of this new discovery on my part. I never would have thought he was involved in that kind of life style. “Levi, did you kill your parents? Is that how you inherited the _business_?”

Levi’s mug slips from his grasp and shatters on the ground. He doesn’t seem to even notice that hot coffee is pooling under him. I pull him by his elbow away from the mess and corner him against the counter. “I can’t believe you’d ask that.”

“Well that’s the only way I can think of a sixteen year old _inheriting_ a position like that. It’s just a question. It’s not going to make me change my mind or anything, I promise. If you ask me, I think I’m taking this all in stride.”

“Fine, Eren. Yes. I did. I murdered my parents for the terrible shit they did to me. They used me, so I used their deaths for power. I was arrested for murder but because I was only sixteen, I was released on account of ‘self-defense and temporary insanity.’ Nobody knew that they used me for drug and sex trafficking. All they know is that there were signs of struggle and the court believed me when I said the marks on my neck were from them, and not some greaser they sold me off to one night who thought I wasn’t worth the money they spent. I came home that night and knocked shit everywhere in a ‘path’. I even shot the wall to make it more believable. My father came down the stairs ready to beat the shit out of me, but I struck first. I shot him in the stomach, point blank and at an awkward angle to make it look like he was attacking me first.

“Then my mother stormed down almost entirely naked. She clawed at my face and arms while my father bled out. I hit her with the butt of the pistol and kicked her away from me. I had crushed her small skull by doing that. She bled out next to the old bastard. I sat there and waited. I was arrested within the hour. The investigation lasted a month and the trial took another month. They examined it all, they knew it didn’t add up somehow, but they had nothing to prove that it didn’t. I killed them, and I got everything.” He becomes a different person like this. So entirely different it scares me. How can someone go from being the typical husband, someone who cries when their depressed and broken, to a cold blooded murderer, someone who apparently knows the ins and outs of said murders and to get away with them? It’s crazy. Absolutely fucking crazy!

I don’t even know what to say. What does someone say when they find out their husband murdered his family? I mean he had his reasons it seems, but maybe he is crazy…

He tried to kill himself over me because Erwin, his friend, best man, second or third in command defiled him. He says he’s had it done before. So why did he break on himself this time? Why didn’t he kill Erwin? He killed his family because they had done that to him, right?

Wait, that’s it! He killed his family because they did that to him. So it only made sense for him to kill those responsible. He saw it as the same situation. He was treated like a shitty slut because he was sold off, but this time he sold himself.

That’s the only way I can see it, without him just being crazy. His logic is surely twisted, but a lot of people’s logic is too.

Levi glares at my chest and stomps on my foot. I hiss in pain but I trap my husband in my arms, holding him to me. “It’s okay, Levi. It’s okay. Everything is fine here.”

“Let go of me, Eren!”

“No, I’m not letting go. I’ll stop asking questions for now, okay? Just please stay here.”

“Eren, I need to go calm down.”

“No, you’re staying here. I’m perfectly capable of calming you down. And if I can’t then I always know the next thing I can definitely do for you.”

“Just let go, would you? I don’t want to take this out on you, but you’re making me start to.” He pushes against me hard but I hold on tight.

“Levi,” I sing in his ear. “You’re not getting away that easily.”

“Eren, what the fuck? Just. Let. Go.” He growls and thrashes in my arms.

I grab his hips tight and shove him hard against the counter making him lose his breath. “Would you just shut up and let me help you get through this?” While he’s out of breath I pull his sweatpants and boxers down to his knees. This will at least make him shut up, make him forget his thoughts and relieve his built up stress.

Levi’s breath catches up to him and he forces me on my knees. He knows what I’m doing, so he’s just speeding up the process, I guess. But there are some nights where he’s extremely aggressive like this. I can only guess that’s the remainder of his tough guy when he comes home from Shiganshina. That thought only makes this sexier than I already thought it was. I stroke my husband’s shaft and lick it thoroughly. I keep his hips pinned to the counter so he can’t force anything until I let him. His hands on the back of my head try to push me down but I refuse to let him have control. I tease him with my tongue and I take him in slowly. His hips twitch against my hands and his hands push.

“Eren, I’m not going to hold back the second you release me.”

I look up at him and let his member slip from my mouth with a pop. “Oh, trust me, I know. I look forward to it.” I wink and take him in halfway. His hips strain against my hands and I quickly let go, letting him freely thrust fully into my mouth. We release insatiable groans and Levi tightens his hands in my hair. His dark, coarse hair brushes my nose deliciously. I look up at him while he keeps me gasping for breath. I lean on my hands and knees in front of him like the little bitch I can be for only him. He takes his rightful control and thrusts powerfully into my mouth and throat. I carefully keep my tongue pressed to the underside. The vibrations of my throaty moans push him further, making his sexy grunts of effort and pleasure linger in the air. Levi thrusts his hips and pulls my head down on him simultaneously keeping us moving together. The sensation of it all makes me need to touch myself. I reach a hand down but Levi pauses to kick my hand away from myself. I whine around his girth only making him groan again.

Levi presses his bare foot against my lap and grinds it into my aching member. He leaves his foot there as he gets a better position to lean on the counter and force my head down, moving my body with it, making his foot constantly grind against my cock with each swallow. I’m a moaning mess and tears spring to my eyes as I overload with sensations, but before I can cum, Levi twitches in my mouth. He forces me all the way down, cumming in the back of my throat with an animalistic grunt. I guess we’re nothing but mammals after all.

Levi drops to his knees after I swallow all of the mess and lick him clean. “Fuck Eren. You always know when I need that. Let me help you though.”

I nod and sit back on the hardwood floor. He pushes me on my back and swiftly removes my own pants and boxers. He lowers himself between my legs and bends over, keeping his ass in the air. He leaves me completely vulnerable for him to take. And he takes me. All of me, in his mouth. He works me quickly making me reach my hands down to put on his head. I close my eyes and I’m moaning like a slut. It doesn’t take me long and I cum in his mouth unexpectedly making him sputter and gag around my length only to make me leak more due to the vibrations on my oversensitive body. Levi swallows and licks everything carefully. It becomes ticklish though and I have to pull away laughing. Levi makes me suffer a tickle fight while he licks me completely clean complaining that if he didn’t do it now I would forget.

I sit up and pull Levi on my lap so he’s straddling me. I kiss him in a non-sexual, loving manner so he doesn’t get the wrong idea of his being in my naked lap. It seems to work until he groans softly. His groaning is cut short by our stomachs, leaving us in a fit of giggles.             “Make our breakfast already so I can fuck you again.” We get up, pulling our pants back on and get back to what we were doing before our fun.

“I’m surprised.”

“By what?”

“Normally you’re complaining that you’re too old to be having sex constantly.”

“Well, normally you attack me.”

“I do _not_! You usually attack me! You always give me that look across the table while we’re eating dinner.”

“What look?”

“The predatory look that says the moment I wash the dishes and put them away, you’ll be dragging me some place to make out and fuck me.”

“Hmm…Well no matter, we should clean the house. It reeks of sex and there’s shit knocked over everywhere.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…we’ll get to it. We always do.”

“We can do it tomorrow, I guess.”

“I’m surprised by that too…you’ve never postponed a day of cleaning. Hell half the time you force me on my hands and knees to redo the entire living room because I missed a piece of lint in the very back corner of the bookcase.”

“Well I like a clean house.”

“Oh, trust me. I know you do, Levi.”

He laughs and kicks the back of my legs lightly. “Stop being a brat, you brat.”

“Yeah, but I’m your brat. And as your lawfully wedded brat, I am making you your pancake and bacon breakfast.”

“You better be, or I’d be stuck with a crappy frozen shitty meal.”

“Oh you poor thing,” I joke.

“Shut up and make my food, will you? I’m starving. I haven’t eaten since whatever night in Paris.” I smirk and open my mouth to say something smart but Levi catches me. “And don’t say I ate you, because while I did do that, your cum is not a food of sustenance.”

“Okay, okay, I get it you’re hungry and I’m not very filling, even though I am cream filled.” I laugh and finish making my buttermilk batter. “Do you want anything in them? Blueberries? Banana? Chocolate Chips, even though you normally yell at me for putting chocolate in my breakfast?”

“Do half banana and half chocolate chip. It’s not morning so I don’t really care right now. I just need food.”

“Will do, sire.”

The rest of my cooking is done in silence but the smile on my face doesn’t fade. It feels normal again. A little off, of course, but Levi is mine, and I’m his. That’s all that matters right now. I finish frying the bacon and pancakes and put them on large plates for us to pick from. I set them in the center of the table.

Levi sits down at the table across from me and covers half of his face with his slender fingers.

“What is it? Does breakfast not look good?” I question.

“No, it’s just that not too long ago, you had me splayed across this very table.”

I smirk again and chuckle. “Yeah, I did, and it was so sexy to see you arch your back the way you did. I’d love to see that again soon.”

“You’re gonna have to wait until I’m done with you, Eren.”

“Can’t wait,” I tease with a wink.

Levi growls but turns his attention to the food and stabs at the pancakes. “Shit, this looks so good.”

I salivate, thinking about my pancakes and start to stab at them too. “Damn, I didn’t even realize how hungry I was.”

Together we eat all of the pancakes and bacon. I guess that hospital food really wasn’t enough. But then again we didn’t eat at all yesterday.

While Levi washes the dishes, I check the house phone for messages. The machine sits on an end table in the living room.

Our voices stay in almost perfect sync while we say the greeting followed by the robotic voice.

_“Hello! You’ve reached Levi and Eren Ackerman! Please leave a name and message if you need either of us! We’ll try to call you back as soon as we can. Thank you!”_

**_BEEP!_ **

_“You have 9 messages. First message.”_

_“Hey Eren, it’s Armin. I’m calling to make sure you’re still coming to see that movie tonight with me and Mikasa. Uh, just call one of us I guess. Alright, see yuh later!”_

_“Next message.”_

_“Eren? It’s Armin…Are you home? I called earlier and it’s been a while since then. Is everything okay? Call me soon, please? Don’t make me call Mikasa on you-ha ha- um, well, call back alright? Bye.”_

_“Next message.”_

_“It’s Mikasa. Eren, where are you?! You won’t answer your cell phone and I just got to the house and the car is gone, where did you go? Didn’t Levi leave yesterday? Call me! I need to know where you are!”_

_“Next message.”_

_“Eren, it’s Armin again. I saw the news. What the hell happened? What’s going on? Is that where you are? Did you go to France without telling anyone? Eren you’re scaring me and Mikasa. If you’re home, turn on the news and call me, please!”_

_“Next message.”_

_“Eren, it’s Jean. I’m so sorry for what happened. I hope everything is okay. You know if you need anything Marco and I are more than happy to help out. I know you guys are well off…but… if you need a friend, I’m here.”_

_“Next message.”_

_“Eren, where are you?! You haven’t answered anybody at all! I know about what happened with that chibi husband of yours, but where the hell are you, damn it?”_

_“Next message.”_

_“I swear Eren, if you don’t call Mikasa or me in the next hour, we’re coming to the house! We know where the spare key is! We’ll find out where you went, since you won’t answer!”_

_“Next message.”_

_“Eren…we went to the house and Mikasa looked at the computer. I’m sorry. I don’t know where you are, or what’s going on. But, I guess, if you come home soon, just get a hold of us okay? We’ll talk about it. We’ll get through this like we did the first time. I know I wasn’t there much for the first time he left you, but, I’m always here. I’m sorry Eren. Please call us back…please. By the way we fed your cat. When did you get it?”_

_“Next message.”_

_“Eren, it’s Mikasa. I swear. If I find that midget, he is so dead. I will beat him up so badly that he won’t feel so much as his dick twitch! He is a dead man if I find him. I don’t care what you say. He best stay away.”_

_“End of messages. If you would like to-”_

I turn the machine off and go to get my phone and charger. I realize that I never did check my phone, if I had, I probably would have known that it had died. Levi sits at the table staring into his coffee mug. “Levi, don’t listen to Mikasa okay? I’ll talk to her. I have to call them and tell them that everything is alright, anyway.”

Just as I say that, the doorbell rings and my phone turns on, immediately blowing up with various messages. I make my way to the door and take notice of how Levi braces himself for the worst. The doorbell rings three more times and it sounds like someone is about to break the door down. Mikasa. Shit. I wasn’t expecting her to come right now, but it only makes sense. She is my sister after all. With a deep breath and a shaky hand I open the door to see my best friend and sister on my stoop ready to take the emergency key out.

“Eren!” they yell in unison and tackle me to the floor in a hug.

Armin lifts his head. “We were so scared, Eren. Don’t just leave like that! You have to tell us what’s going on! Especially when stuff like….this…happens.”

Levi shifts in the kitchen slightly making his chair creak. He mutters a quick “Shit.”

Mikasa is on her feet, eyes ablaze. “Oh you fucker! You are so dead you fucking midget!” I grab her ankle and pull sharply making her trip and fall. “Eren, what the hell are you doing?”

“Don’t touch him.” Venom drips off my tongue onto deaf ears. She shakes me off and storms towards the kitchen. I roll Armin off and run after her and take my turn to tackle her to the floor just outside the doorway.

“Fucking hell, Eren. He deserves this! He needs the shit to be kicked out of him!” She writhes under me and kicks me aside.

“I think _you_ do!”

“I’ll kill him for hurting you!”

All the while, Levi sits patiently at the table. I try to grab her ankle again, but I’m an inch short. She escapes for the second time. Mikasa strikes fast. She punches Levi on the same side of his face with the bruise. He lets out a whimper that makes my skin crawl with rage. Red fills my vision. How dare you hurt my Levi! How dare you! My eyes burn with crazed blood lust.


	6. Levi: I'm Ready for the Fight and Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex all day keeps Armin away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised after break, but better late than never I guess. Schist happens. (anyone who knows Earth Science/Geology get that? An old teacher of mine used to say it all the time.) Either way, here's a nice (somewhat plot filled), long (13 pages in word), hard (smutty) chapter for you guys!

I wait for my beating in the kitchen calmly. Eren is yelling at Mikasa and I can hear things being knocked over in the hallway. A vase broke just now, I think.

“Fucking hell, Eren. He deserves this! He needs the shit to be kicked out of him!”

“I think _you_ do!”

“I’ll kill him for hurting you!”

Eren and Mikasa struggle in the hall directly in front of me, but Mikasa delivers a defensive kick to get out of her brother’s grip. I watch him reach for her again but miss.

I receive a taste of my inevitable punishment in that moment. A clean right hook to my already bruised cheek. I let out a rather weak, painful whimper and fall out of the chair but I don’t fight it. Mikasa grabs my neck and starts strangling me, repeatedly bashing my body into the ground.

“I’m going to kill you,” he says with a strangely calm demeanor. Eren’s never been much of a fighter, so to give a threat like that is enough for me to look directly at him. He towers over the scene fuming. Our eyes catch.

Eren kicks Mikasa in the ribs knocking her off of me with a sickening crack. I can only assume that was one of her ribs. Mikasa’s body slams into the counters. I suck in a much needed breath and cough harshly. Armin comes bounding around the corner hearing more commotion than he seemed to be expecting.

Everything starts to speed up and slow down all at the same time.

Armin and I are frozen in place, watching the scene with horror.

Eren hovers over his sister slowly, calculating with dead eyes. He steps on her neck, just enough to keep her from breathing while he reaches over to the knife set. Eren grabs the largest knife and tests its weight in his hand. He even gives it a toss! Mikasa’s grip on Eren’s ankle isn’t enough to get it off of her throat. “See, here’s the thing ‘Kasa. I _told_ you not to touch him. You clearly went against your _dear brother’s_ wishes. And now, you’re going to pay the price for touching the crown jewels with your filthy fingers. Any last words, _little sister,_ ” he sneers.

He steps off of her throat and straddles her legs. He slowly pushes hair out of her face with the knife, seeming to revel in the terror in Mikasa’s eyes. “Eren, I thought- He ch-” She stutters and tears roll down her face and he smirks.

“Oh hush now, little sister. Didn’t you say he had to _die_ for what he did to me? Well look at what you have done to me. You threatened my life as I know it. You tried to take my dear little Levi away from me. How about I take your life in his place?” Suddenly his dead lake-like eyes change, throwing the colors of the ocean in a hurricane. He raises his arm and swings down screeching like an animal. I’ve never heard this from him before but I know the sound all too well. “YOU’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO TOUCH HIM AGAIN! YOU DESERVE THIS STEEL IN YOUR HEART!” Mikasa’s quick reflexes block his arms at his wrist and fight against him.

I know what he’s feeling. I did the same against that greaser that night, I didn’t kill him, but it wasn’t him I was after that night.

Suddenly I snap into action. “Eren! Stop this!”

He won’t be reasonable in a time like this. He won’t give up. He wants to taste the blood on his lips and to hear the cries of mercy. I never thought he’d be like me. I know all of what this is like, that’s why I have to do whatever it takes to stop him.

Mikasa is losing this battle, slowly but surely. Armin and I grab Eren and flip him on his back. “NO! SHE NEEDS TO DIE! SHE TOUCHED MY LEVI!” He strains against our grip. “I WARNED HER! LET ME KILL HER!” Armin places all his weight on Eren while I kneel on his shoulder to keep his arm still while I dig my heel into his wrist in an attempt to pry the knife from him. He doesn’t even seem to know who is on him. He’s already lost himself to the red. I need to get him out of that. I grab his head by his hair and slam his head into the floor. That should get him to listen at least.

“Snap the fuck out Eren! You don’t need to do this! I don’t need protecting.” I yell at him. He doesn’t seem to catch the full speech because he thrashes more instead of calming down.

“Protect. Levi.” He mutters and snaps his teeth.

If neither pain nor yelling work, then perhaps compassion will work. With that I grab him by his cheeks and point his head toward me. I make my face the only thing in his line of vision and whisper sweetly to my lover. “Hey, Eren, I’m okay, we’re together right? We have each other and that’s all that matters. I’m yours, Eren. I love you. I love you so much. I can’t stand to see you hurt, okay? Hey, why don’t we calm down and go for a nice walk? Wouldn’t that be nice? To just get out of the house for a little while would be nice, I think. I don’t like seeing you like this Eren. It’s not like you. Eren, I don’t like it when you don’t listen to me. Can you please listen, love?”

I move to straddle him, pushing Armin away, as his flailing reduces to a constant quiver of anger. I splay my hands on his cheeks and rest my forehead on his. The knife clatters to the floor and Eren’s eyes close. His anger simmers into a bubbling sob as he puts his hands between my shoulder blades and presses me into his chest. He rolls us on our sides and curls around me, using me like a teddy bear. I guess teddy bear really does fit…Damn it.

He blubbers a few words incoherently and tightens his grip. “Levi…Levi, are you hurt? Are you okay, baby? Baby, please be okay. I love you!”

“Eren, I’m fine. I’m fine…” I nuzzle my head into his shoulder and trail my fingers down his back slowly.

“Don’t leave me…please, don’t leave me.”

“I should be saying that line.”

“I don’t want you to die, you idiot. I would never be able to let you go. I don’t want people touching you, Levi. I don’t like it.”

“You can’t keep everyone from touching me, Eren. It doesn’t work like that.”

He rolls once more so I’m on my back with his knee between my thighs. “Watch me. I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. I don’t want you to go to work until everything is safe, again. The fucker knows where we live. I won’t let him take you from me!” His eyes darken again so I slap him across the face.

“Snap out will you? He won’t be coming here, Eren.”

“You don’t know that.”

His dejected expression makes me want to hold him, but I need him to stay in reality. “You’re right. I don’t know that. But it’s common sense.”

Eren growls and pushes on my shoulders a little. “I’m not going to argue this, Levi. You’re staying home. And I’m not letting anybody touch you. You will not get hurt again!”

“Would you listen to yourself? You’re going crazy over me.”

“I have every reason to.” He bites out.

“Well I’m trying to move on okay?” I really don’t want to have this argument again, but it can’t be helped.

“We will move on. But that doesn’t mean anything to me. I’m your husband. I _will_ protect you, even if it means slaughtering those who pose as a threat to your safety.”

“Well congratu-fucking-lations. You almost succeeded. Should I have let you continue?!”

He freezes up. “What? What are you talking about?”

“You tried to kill your sister. Just now. With our cutlery. If it wasn’t for me and Armin, she would have died. At _your_ hand!”

Eren lifts himself onto an elbow towards the two people hunched over in the corner. Mikasa, who was never one to express fear, unmistakably cowers away from her brother. Her face is stained with tears and Armin holds her protectively away from Eren.

Eren hiccups and dwindles down to the attitude of a five year old. He wails and kicks the table and chairs away from him. I do the only thing I can in the moment and that’s hold him. I hold him tightly and stroke his hair. He pleads for forgiveness, that he didn’t mean it. We all know he meant it in those moments. It may not have been his sensible reasoning, but he went insane to “Protect Levi” and there was no way to fix things after that kind of attack. But one thing is certain. I can’t let people touch me. Not that I was fond of it from anyone other than Eren or Hanji, or Erwin for that matter before this mess…but it’s clear that it mustn’t ever happen.

My husband lets himself go limp and falls against me. “I’m so sorry, Mikasa! You’re my sister, how could I ever do that?”

I hear stirring behind me and I tense, taking my turn to protect my husband. Armin places a hand on my shoulder. “Levi, look. We all need to talk about this. We know about your end, but we didn’t think Eren would be like _this_. We expected the fighting to be like last time. We never expected Eren to act like this and try to kill somebody. He needs help.”

“No! You just can’t touch me! Don’t touch me, and everything will be okay. Nothing bad will happen. Just don’t touch me.” I hold Eren tighter. He doesn’t need help. I’ll help him. I’m the only one who can now. He won’t listen to anyone else. I know he won’t, because now we’re the same. We’re both monsters. We see the red. We soak in the insanity so we can bathe in the crimson of others. We’re smart though when we lose ourselves. We become cold and calculating even though our emotions run high. It surprises me, but I knew what happened as soon as I came back to my senses. But Eren saw a deeper shade of red, so he won’t remember anything from it.

I just never realized how much I meant to him. I snapped for self-preservation. Eren snapped for me. For _my_ protection. Of course I’d do the same for him if the roles were reversed, but to snap so quickly for his husband. I need to protect him with my life. I won’t send my husband to some asylum! He’s fine! Perfectly fine! He’ll be okay, as long as I’m here and nobody touches me. Easy enough since I don’t like many people touching me anyway. Shit, Hanji will be all over me the minute she knows I’m home.

“Yo short stack!” Speak of the fucking devil. God damn it! “Glad to know your-” she pauses to take in the scene in the kitchen. “Damn! What the hell happened to you guys? Levi, what did you do?”

“Shut it, Hanji. Nothing happened.”

“Oh like hell!” Armin yells. “Eren is going crazy! He just tried to kill his sister because of you!”

“Because of me? She’s the one that tried to kill me!”

“Because you cheated on Eren for Erwin!”

Eren continues to sob in my arms and he inhales sharply at Erwin’s name. I stroke him slowly. “Yes, I did, but I tried to end it. I didn’t willingly get fucked by that disgusting sack of shit! That’s what fucking rape is. It wasn’t consensual, Armin! Okay?” I choke and bury my face in Eren’s shoulder. “I tried to fix my mistake, and I failed. I ruined my life, and my husband’s.” My voice hardens again and I look right up at Armin. “But everything was almost normal until _you_ _little shits_ showed up and tried to _kill_ me! He never would have tried to kill her if she didn’t try to kill me without even listening first! It’s _her_ fault!”

“You’re fucking crazy, you old bastard. You both are.” Armin’s voice is level, but his body is trembling with anger. “You both need some serious mental help. Mikasa. Let’s go. There’s no way to get it through to these two.”

“We can’t just give up on Eren! He’s the only family I have left! I would die for him. I just didn’t think he’d be the one to kill me.”

“Please tell me you’re joking! Has everybody here gone crazy?!”

Hanji piped up then. “Everyone seems to be in denial here. Not necessarily crazy.”

“Well at least someone here can think clearly enough with me here. Fuck.” Armin huffs.

“Levi, you and Eren need to calm down, okay? Pick yourselves up and go to the living room. We need to talk.”

I stay still until I receive a quick kick in the back from Armin, eliciting a growl from me and a shrill “Don’t touch him!” from Eren.

I take a breath and whisper against the crown of Eren’s head, “Love, can you get up? They’re being stupid but the sooner we get this over with the better.”

Eren nods slowly and claws at my shirt, holding on to it for dear life, though, he seems to have calmed down. His tears have subsided and the whimpers less frequent. I don’t even know how long it’s been. We stand together and he holds me tight.

This is stupid as hell. How the hell do they think someone would act when somebody tries to hurt their loved one? Fucking assholes. Ruining my happiness, _our_ happiness rather, seems to be all they’re good at.

We make our way to the living room and I place Eren in my lap, and I kiss him gently. His body melts against mine visibly relaxing into my touch. The soft sound of our lips is greeted by murderous glares from both Armin and Mikasa.

Fuck it. Fuck them! Fuck both of them!

I yank Eren down in a furious kiss. He responds to the battle for dominance by shoving his tongue in my mouth and exploring the cavern he’s tasted thousands of times. He always makes it feel like it’s the first time he’s ever ventured to prod my tongue and cheeks, and it always sends shivers up my spine making me whine.

An attention seeking cough interrupts. Eren pouts and rests his head against mine, refusing to look at his friends. Armin is sitting in the chair opposite us with Mikasa on the settee to our right. Hanji is standing behind Armin with a passive expression that screams she’s all about serious observations.

“Alright. I might as well start this. Levi, you cheated on Eren with Erw-”

“I’ll kill him.” Eren mutters against me clutching my shirt.

“This is what I’m talking about! Eren is going crazy because of you, Levi! Can’t you see what you’ve done to him? The person who rarely used violence for anything but self-defense, just tried to kill somebody, his _own sister_ , even, just because she touched you.”

“She tried to kill him! Are you blind to that, Armin?” my husband shouts, turning to face him. He twists the ring on his finger three times. It seems to be just some type of neurotic tic now.

“She’s trying to protect you from being hurt!”

Eren leaps off of my lap, yelling. “No! She’s trying to take the only person I love away from me! She’s trying to hurt him, and she’s trying to hurt me! You fucking bastards! I want you out of my house!” He points towards the door with fury.

“We’re not leaving until you listen to us! You need help, Eren.”

“And you,” he shoves a finger in Armin’s face, “need to leave before I call the cops for trespassing and attempted murder.”

“You did the same.”

Eren cross his arms defiantly. “No. I was defending my husband. If she had died during that, it would still be her fault.”

“The law would only protect you to a degree even if that were true. What the hell happened to you? What did he do to _brainwash_ you like this.”

“He didn’t do _anything_. He was raped by a man who was supposed to be his friend. And right now, I’m being attacked by what are supposed to be _my_ friends. But maybe we’re not friends anymore. Maybe you’re just jealous that I have somebody while the pair of you mope around waiting for love.”

“You sick bastard. As if. I work my ass off to make six-figures. What do you do? Because I know you don’t work, and he doesn’t have the salary to uphold this place. What are you doing behind closed doors?”

“Fucking,” I chime in.

Eren smirks and straddles me. “Exactly right,” he says but he lowers his head to whisper in my ear a single new word that drives me crazy, “Captain.”

A shiver travels up my spine and a shock goes straight to my groin. I don’t know why that sent me up the wall just now, but it did. He winks at me making me know that he’s doing this on purpose to rile me up. And it works. Just to spite Armin again Eren and I smash our lips together and Eren grinds his hips into mine sensually. God, he can be such a whore when he wants to be.

Hands slam on the coffee table, making Eren tense up.

“I’m not going to sit here and watch you two make out! We need to talk about getting Eren serious mental help! And it seems like you need it too, Levi!” Armin interrupts again.

“I don’t know. It’s kind of hot if you ask me. Two insane lovers, doing everything they can to protect the other. Bathing in the blood of their enemies, while they passionately embrace. Oh, it’s getting me hot and bothered.” I had forgotten Hanji was even here until she spoke up.

“Feel free to watch, Glasses. I’ll take him right here and now, and neither of us really gives a damn.”

“I do!” Armin screeches. “Damn it! Stop avoiding this! And Hanji, I thought you were helping me!”

“I never said I was helping. I just said everyone is in denial. You included, Blondie.”

“I- Wait. Me? In denial? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Well Eren most likely wouldn’t have attacked Mikasa if it wasn’t for her attacking Levi. You’re either oblivious or in denial to that key event happening. Levi and Eren know what Levi did and what happened as a result of said happenings. Levi is in denial as to Eren’s sensibility, though he may have a sense of connection with the need to kill that Eren experienced. Eren is in denial to his sudden change in attitude as well. He has no connection to the desire to kill, but it has been triggered by the happenings in the city of love and apparently blackmailed rape. Mikasa is in denial about her _need_ for Eren, believing she is the only one that could be good enough to be family and therefore will kill the threats to her family’s only stability. She’s gone three years without having her brother calling her regularly, I assume.

“Together, you’re arguing points of view. No one here except for me is on the outside looking in. So with that, Mikasa is in the wrong for attempted murder. Eren is in the wrong to a degree depending on the law for attempted murder. And he also very clearly doesn’t remember what happened, just what triggered his episode. Levi is in the wrong for saying Eren _didn’t_ completely lose control and for thinking everything will be fine as long as nobody touches him. And you, Armin are in the wrong for thinking you understand the situation when you don’t know nearly enough here.”

I smirk and mentally applaud my best friend, colleague, and partner in literal crime. Eren rubs his cheek against the crown of my head making me look up at him. His lips are pursed in a pout and he whines. “I was just protecting my teddy bear.”

I chuckle and kiss his collar bone. I’m getting used to the teddy bear thing, already. But I still have to get him back for using ‘Captain’ against me even if he doesn’t realize how deeply it affected me. When the Brat 1, Brat 2 and Glasses leave I definitely will.

Said Brat 1 is standing, spluttering nonsense to try to defend himself and Mikasa, but he knows he can’t. Eren and I are passive, cuddling on the couch. We don’t care at this point. Actually we didn’t care since Armin opened his mouth about my husband requiring “help” with extra emphasis on the quotation. We did the right thing in our minds.

Mikasa is blubbering on the settee. I didn’t think Armin could be so annoying that I wouldn’t even pay attention to anything his grating voice says. Maybe I just put up with him though for Eren’s sake. It’s not like I ever had to deal with prolonged exposure to these brats.

Armin finally growls out, “None of this still covers the fact that Eren needs to see somebody about his behavior. This may not be an isolated occurrence.”

“That’s true. But it seems to be the first, if Levi’s expression of clear panic was anything to go by. And unless it happens again, I don’t see the need to get him so-called help.”

“What would you know? Are you a doctor?”

“No, but I know people. And honey, you’re all as clear as day right now.” Hanji ends to cut Armin off for the rest of the conversation, making him flop back into the chair. “How’s my favorite couple? You guys are as cute and horny as ever it seems. Actually more. Seems like when you guys first got married! I remember when Levi used to pull you away, Eren! You’d come back flustered with tell-tale signs of sex. Not to mention Levi’s silent smirk. Or vice versa and Levi would be frazzled from a good blow job.”

“Oh my god. I’m so done here. Mikasa, let’s go.” Armin stood up again and grabbed Mikasa’s arm. She looks to Eren as if she was waiting for him to lunge at Armin for touching her. When that doesn’t happen, and is rather sent a glare, she nods and they trudge out of our house with the door slamming behind them.

“Well now that that’s over…” I mutter and quickly push Eren back on the couch. I straddle him, my one leg hanging over, touching the floor for leverage. I kiss my husband and groan. “Fucking hell, Eren, you just had to call me ‘Captain’ didn’t you?”

“Wow, Eren knows then I take it?”

“Shut it four-eyes! I’m trying to fuck my husband into oblivion.”

“Levi, not while she’s here!” Eren whimpers, a deep blush settling on his cheeks.

“You had no qualms with doing it in front of your friends, so what’s the difference. Regardless, you did this to yourself. Get upstairs, now. I can’t hold myself back long enough to listen to whatever she came here to tell me. She can wait. Hell, she can watch. It wouldn’t be the first time she walked in and we kept going.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah remember that time the ashtray ended up on the other end of the room?”

“Yeah…?”

“She decided that she would follow your _delicious_ cries upstairs to our bedroom. I saw her walk in while you were so close your eyes were squeezed shut. I threw the ashtray at her head. She dodged it, and watched us until we finished. Then she clamored back down and outside to make it seem like she arrived just after we finished.”

“Oh my god, Hanji! That means you saw me naked! And being fucked! Holy shit!” Eren hugs his body closer to mine. I gladly hold him firmly against me.

“I have seen you naked while we went shopping for clothes, remember Eren?”

“ _Mostly_ naked, you didn’t see my dick!” His voice could just about shatter glass, it’s so high.

“I didn’t have to. Your hubby talks about how amazing it is all the time.”

“Do you really?!” he cries at me.

I chuckle darkly and whisper not so softly, “I can’t help it. I just want everyone to know how beautiful my husband is and how well he can fuck me.”

His blush spreads across his face and to his ears. I lick my lips. Fuck. I could cum just from staring at him. His brilliant eyes shine brighter with his embarrassment. I want to eat him up. I move Eren aside and stand with an obvious tent in my pants. I don’t give a damn if Hanji watches at this point, but I do want to be somewhere more comfortable. Eren covers his face with his arm. Well I might as well embarrass him further. I bend down and grab him around his hips and pull him up with me, throwing him over my shoulder.

“Levi! What are you doing?”

“What do you think, darling? I’m taking you to our room, and I am going to please us to release all of this bullshit. I’m going to treat you right. Better than your shitty friends ever could.” Eren giggles, making me smile. I feel him shift on my shoulder slightly and then I feel his hand smack my ass. “Oh yeah, you’re getting it now.”

“Can’t wait…Captain.”

“Fuck, Eren! Alright, come on.” I carry Eren up the stairs and to our room where I throw him down. I kick the door shut for Eren’s sake and I rush to pull off my clothes and straddle my husband. I lift his own shirt slowly and lick from his waistband, which hangs suspiciously low on his hips, to his navel. He squirms under me and I love it, making me want to taste more. The ends of my silky, dark hair tickle his skin while I trail my wet tongue up his torso and I pull the offending material off of his warm body. When his shirt is completely off I sit myself between his legs and I lightly massage my husband’s legs. I trace every muscle of his thighs and calves, placing light teasing kisses through the flannel.

He gets impatient and rolls his pants and boxers off of his hips. I lift his legs far above me to yank them off the rest of the way. I lick my lips. His body glistens with a thin layer of sweat in anticipation. He’s making me want to just take him, but I know that won’t please him very much. I use my tongue again and drag it from his ankle to the inside of his thigh where I place an aggressive love bite. I suck on the skin and nibble, listening to the sweet moans leaving my lover.

“St- Stop teasing me, Levi…”

“Very well.” I smirk and lick two fingers thoroughly. I gently lower my hand to his entrance and massage the area to relax his tense muscles. Eren gasps and moans delicately. The gentle sound heats my body like a live wire. A satisfying buzz fills my body, but specifically runs straight down to pool in my stomach and groin. I slowly insert both fingers. I’m complimented by him pulling them further in. I let out a moan of my own. “Damn, Eren, look at how you suck my fingers in deeper. You’re my little whore, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Captain…I’ll do anything for you.”

“Then just let me please you. I’ll be satisfied with that.”

He nods feverishly and tilts his head back with a moan. He keeps his eyes closed when he’s like this. It makes him look so innocent, and it only makes me want to rip that innocence away. He opens his eyes a sliver and looks directly at me. I stare back and push my fingers in more and drag them out slowly before thrusting back in quickly. I’m rewarded further with a whimper. Holy shit, I don’t think I can take this much longer. I start to stretch my husband easily, good thing for all the activities from all of yesterday. Eren’s hooded, lust filled eyes tease me and I pull my fingers out slowly. I lift his hips up, leaving his shoulders on the bed. I put Eren’s thighs over my shoulders and lick his entrance slowly. Eren cries out and ruts his body up more toward my mouth. I lick the inside teasingly and drop him back on the bed.

“Levi, please..!”

“Is that how you speak to your commanding officers, kid?”

I pull out edible, blueberry flavored lube from the bedside table and drip it over my throbbing member. I hiss softly at the cool gel. I rub it over to spread and warm it. Eren watches me with those same beautiful, hooded eyes. His expression isn’t as innocent though. Now he invites me to keep going. He seduces me with his eyes and spreads his legs. “I’m sorry, Captain Levi, sir! Please sir! I need more of you!” I love when he begs.

He hooks a leg around my waist and brings me closer. I line up and thrust into my dear husband’s warmth.

We both cry out with pleasure and we reach for each other’s hands. We hold on tightly and I lean down and kiss Eren. I place one hand on his hip and hold his hand tight with the other. I plunge deeper into his warmth faster and groan loud.

“Harder, Captain, please!”

“Ahh, Fuck, Eren, yes.” I drop all pleasantries and grab his hips with both hands. I slam into him repeatedly, listening to his pleading cries for even more. I pound into him hard and fast, taking pleasure in the slick noises of my cock penetrating deep inside and the slap of our skin.

I thrust sharply, making him arch his back and moan. I groan and hang my head against his stomach briefly before setting a new pace, rough and quick. I angle myself between his hips knowing right where to hit and when I hit his prostate, tears spring to his eyes and he grips my forearms, making little half-moon shaped marks.

“C- L- Levi! Yes! Right there! Ahh!” He pants and moans. He starts to crack before my eyes. The splintering pleasure is coursing through his body and soon enough he explodes over his stomach and chest, moaning and crying. “Ahh, Captain…you’re so good to me.”

I groan. “Your superior isn’t done with you yet, kid.” I let him rest and bite his neck gently and lick the sweat off his skin.

“You’re right, let Eren help you,” the use of third person makes me tilt my head back and groan again. Eren pushes me back and licks up my shaft. “Mmm, like a lollipop.”

My cock twitches against his lips as he kisses and licks. He wraps his lips around me and sucks all the way down and comes back up with an audible pop. He really is sucking me like a lollipop. He goes a little faster and I hold his hair tight in fists. “Damn, Eren. Eat me.”

“I will, Captain. You taste so good. Like blueberry.” He smirks and sucks hard and fast. I keep his head down and choke him slightly. Eren flicks his tongue across the underside. I let him up and he bobs his head a few more times before I cry out. I tilt my head back and force Eren all the way down again and face fucking him to ride out the intense wave of pleasure that racks my body.

Eren moans and begins to swallow dutifully before I stop him. “No. Open.” He pulls me out of his mouth and obeys my order. Sticky white cum clings to the roof of his mouth and a mix of saliva and cum trickle down to his chin. I may hate dirt, but holy fuck, if this isn’t hot to look into, then I’m more fucked up then I thought. “Now you can swallow.” Eren takes the offer but leaves the trail to his chin. “You can wipe your chin too, babe.”

“No…I want the Captain to lick it off.”

“You want me to lick my own cum off of your chin? Am I hearing you right… _recruit_?”

“Yes, sir! It wouldn’t be the first time, sir!”

“Oh fuck it.” I kneel down in front of him and grab his chin and slowly drag my tongue up to his lips, groaning as I taste myself. I would never be able to do this with anyone other than Eren, that’s for sure. I never would have for any boyfriend or one night stand before him, and there’s nobody else now who could get this from me.

Eren whimpers and waits for me to finish before resting his head on my shoulder. My arms wrap around him and pull him closer to me.

Hanji decides this moment is the best to burst through the door. Eren jumps and hides against my body with a scream. “Oh my god! Hanji, get out!”

“Sorry, kiddo, but I need to talk to your man.”

“Whatever you have to say, Eren can hear, too,” I state.

“Does he know?”

“I told him this morning before the battle of the brats broke out. Hmm, that’s a good name. The Battle of the Brats. That’s its name now.”

“I’m not a brat!” Eren interjects. “I’m twenty-eight! And I’ll actually be turning twenty-nine in a couple of months. And you were a part of the so-called battle.”

“That’s true, but you’re still a fucking brat, Eren.”

He scoffs and stands up, shoving me back. “Fine, keep telling the only person that lets you play out your sexual fantasies and gives you lap dances on holidays that they’re a brat. Because this _brat_ is the most fun you’ll ever have, sweet cheeks.”

Eren doesn’t even seem fazed by Hanji’s presence anymore. As if reading my mind Hanji verbalizes my thoughts, “Well aren’t you open about your body and activities suddenly.”

In response, he places his hands on his hips and turns towards her. “Take a good, hard, long look. Hell, touch if you want, because it’ll get this old man jealous. Maybe then he won’t call me a brat after sex.”

“Does he do that often?”

“Often enough, lately.” With that, Eren walks out of the room and across the hall to the bathroom. Water turns on and the shower is switched on soon after.

“He didn’t ask for me to join him…”

“That’s because you pissed him off you moron.”

“I call him a brat enough that he should know I do with affection.”

“Maybe you just shouldn’t do it after sex then. He seems to enjoy his snuggling period enough that he doesn’t want that term used anymore. It probably makes him feel ridiculous for whatever he did during sex.”

“Your right…” I admit.

Hanji stares at my face as I lounge back and pull out a pack of cigarettes from the night stand, lighting one up. I take a long drag, letting the warm smoke fill me and suppress my nerves. “You really do love him…” she whispers.

My jaw slackens, making me almost drop the cigarette, but it sticks to my lip instead. “Of course I do! I’m married to him!” I put the stick in the ashtray.

“Marriage doesn’t always equate to love.”

“Okay, well I love him. I thought you knew that already. It’s been three years with him, after all.”

“I did know that, in the past tense. Because these last few months you were leaving more often. But it wasn’t so much for work, as it was you getting closer to he-who-shall-not-be-named-for-the-sake-of-sparing-us-the-mess-of-a-potential-murder-spree.”

“How would you know?”

“Levi, you weren’t that sneaky about it. You never have us together for the full two weeks in the same country. Also, Eren was calling me more often for chances to hang out and go places after work. He sounded lonelier each time you left. He knew something was up, but he couldn’t pin-point it. At least not until your stupid ass left your chat room open on your computer.”

“Again, how do you know that?”

“Well I do have a key to your house for when there’s emergencies. And I drove past a couple of times just to check in. Nobody was here. Then I saw Mikasa and Armin trying to find the spare key and get in. So the following day, I let myself in. I saw your computer, Levi. I saw the papers on the floor. I saw the mess Eren made before he left. I know what he saw. I saw what you did to him.”

“Hanji…how do I fix this?”

“You had it working there, if you ask me. Yeah you’re both broken from this, but you’re pulling back together and even stronger than before. I’m not saying it’s the best- or healthiest for that matter… But it is happening. I guess you should be groveling at his feet for letting you stick around.”

“Hanji, let’s just say that I’ve been on my knees more than once in the past 24 hours. But you’re right. I should be worshiping the ground he walks on. I want to treat him to something. Something that shows that he means the world to me.”

“I can’t really help with that. You’d know better than anyone else what would make him happy.”

“I do know one thing but I want to prepare myself fully before I do that…” I pick the cigarette back up, flicking the ash off, and inhale deeply.

Hanji seems to perk up. “Ooh! What kind of kinky shit is Eren dying to try that you haven’t given in to yet?”

“It’s not a kink, Hanji.” I finish my cigarette and smother the butt in the tray.

“Oh? What is it then?”

I card a hand through my hair and take a deep breath. The lack of a cigarette bothers me while I brace myself. I never really thought of the possibilities with Eren’s request before I got Jessi for him. “He wants kids. He wants us to adopt, and have a kid of our own. That’s why I got him a cat.”

“You really are stupid, aren’t you?” Hanji resigns with a deft chuckle.

I glare sharply. “What the fuck, Glasses?”

“He asks for kids and you get him _a cat_. How does that sound to you? He says, ‘let’s have kids’ and you decide to get a fucking cat for him to do what exactly? Did you seriously think that he wouldn’t feel like a child when you did that? You probably made him feel like it was the worst time to ask. I mean maybe it was because of he-who-shall-not-be-named. But you really are a dumbass for not actually talking to him about it before.”

“I know that! I was going to talk about it today, but he asked me other questions before I could tell him that I needed to prepare myself a little more. That we would talk about it. We started the conversation in France, but it was mostly just Eren being motherly toward me wistfully, as if he had lost a child, when he hadn’t even had one yet. It killed me Hanji. To think, that me getting that cat made him feel like he would never get to be a parent. That he had lost his before he even got to hold them. When I brought the cat home…his face fell. Immediately. He looked ready to cry but was trying to be stronger than that to say that he would survive for the child he didn’t have. He might as well have been pregnant himself and had a miscarriage.

“Instead I just argued and even threatened to take the cat back if he didn’t want the damn thing.” My voice cracks terribly and hot, heavy tears flow down my cheeks. “Oh my god Hanji, he was so desperate to keep even for the damn fur ball because it was in that moment that he knew that’s the closest he could get to a family of his own. I’m despicable. Why does he stay with me? Why?! I don’t understand!”

“I stay because I’ll always love you.” Eren’s voice fills the empty air. “I vowed ‘til death do us part’ and neither of us are dead just yet, my love.” He sits on the bed next to me, wrapped in a towel with wet hair matted to his forehead. His gentle arms wrap around me, holding my head in the crook of his neck.

“I’m not so sure of that, my dear.” I whisper, nuzzling my face against his bare shoulder.

“What do you mean, Levi?”

“I’ve done such vile things to you. I refused to give you a child, instead giving you a dumb cat. I left you more than I should have and led myself astray. I cheated on you and then tried to leave you forever. I tried to leave you alone because I couldn’t stand myself and what I had done. I’ve made you lose yourself to the red that you should never have had to succumb to. It’s all my fault. I feel as dead as I should be right now. It’s a miracle in itself that that Petra girl saved my life. She could have not cared when Erwin walked out of the hotel alone. But she knew what happened and she saved me from myself. I should be dead, but here I am, able to breathe and continue to love you. But you shouldn’t still be here! I’m supposed to be alone…” I hold my husband, so thankful that he still holds me tight. I listen to his steady heartbeat and let my tears drip onto his bare chest. “How are you so calm about all of what happened in Paris, Eren?”

“I’m calm because no matter what happens you’re here with me. Maybe I am a just some sick twisted bastard, but-”

“You’re not a sick bastard.” I grind out.

“You forgot twisted my dear,” Eren laughs. He recovers and continues his statement. “But, I can’t just give up on you because of a mistake that happens to too many people. I kmow you tried, but you’re here now. You’ve been given this chance for a reason, so I’m willing to give you a chance here too. Yeah, it sucks ass that you did what you did, but we’ll get through it like we do everything. And as far as Jessi goes, I can be content with her if you’re really not ready. I don’t want to force you into having children. I don’t want it to be out of guilt that you said no to me one time in your life.”

“I don’t want you to be just content though. Don’t you see that?”

“Of course I do, but I don’t want you to be miserable because you weren’t ready to go that far. I just don’t want to lose you, Levi. I thought I lost you when I sat in that hospital room. When I heard you drowned…I just- I – I didn’t know what to do! I don’t even have our car because I parked it right in front of the airport. Hell I probably would have left my bags if I didn’t know I’d need the clothes in there. I couldn’t get that damn taxi to go fast enough. I stormed through the hospital to see you tied to the bed, mumbling to go home. You didn’t look at me damn it! I- I was so scared, Levi!” Eren’s heartbeat accelerates, his breathing becomes shallow.

I tug on him slightly and look up into his beautiful eyes. “Eren, I’m right here. I won’t leave again. Ever. I promise. I don’t want anyone or anything more than I want you. I love you. Do you remember what I said when I proposed to you? ‘I learned a lot from my love for you and I can only hope to learn more.’ I am ‘definitely stupid’ and I know that, but I won’t leave your side until you tell me to. I’m your husband, and your mine.” I let him go gently in favor of picking up his left hand. I kiss his ring finger gently, multiple times to reach the rings. The cool metal on my lips causes me to inhale sharply with an overwhelming sense of pride. Even through all of this, to know this beautiful man is next to me through thick and thin, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. Tears sting my eyes even more. I used to be a tough man that didn’t cry over anything, but this single person has broken the walls I trapped myself within. A sob breaks out of my throat and I dig my nails into Eren’s shoulders. He holds me silently and Hanji leaves silently, leaving us be. I’m thankful she’s held off whatever needed to be said for later, when I’m not a blubbering mess.

When my tears subside, I stand tall letting any walls I had remaining crumble with my husband’s soft gaze. I pull Eren up with me. “I have an idea, my love. I’m going to take a shower, and then we’re going to clean this house up and then I’m going to make everything okay again. It was my fault that it wasn’t okay, so I’ll fix it as best I can. The wound will always be there, of course, there’s nothing much I can do about that. But, I will sweep you off your feet all over again. Deal?”

Eren nods slowly. “Deal.”


End file.
